


My Immortal

by LacyPearl



Series: And I will try to fix you [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1269460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacyPearl/pseuds/LacyPearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the sequel to <i> Fix You </i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "I'm so tired of being here..."

Louis received the news in Stockholm. They were on their third world tour and received a few days off before their next show. Zayn came in the hotel room, biting his lip. He had a letter in his hand and to this day, Harry is still unsure how that letter passed by management and got to him.

“Hey, Z,” Louis greeted, looking up from the TV. “What’cha got there?”

“Um… It’s a letter,” Zayn stated, brows furrowing. He tried to sit on the couch, but missed and fell on his bum instead. He made no move to get up, eyes still locked on the letter.

“Zayn…” Louis started, moving to sit on the edge of the couch. It seemed impossible, but Louis knew what that letter was about and whom it was from. “Zayn, please… Don’t say it, please.”

“What’s going on?” Harry asked, coming into the room. He had two cups of tea in his hands. He took one look around, dropping the cups to the floor with a shattering crash. The silence hung in the air like a vice grip around everyone, the tension so thick they could taste it.

“Alex.”

~*~

“Louis, I don’t understand. You give me this name, tell me not to let him anywhere near you, but give me no explanation or reason why.”

“I’m one of the fucking reasons you’re filthy rich! Do I need to give you a reason?! Just put his name on a list, tell our whole security team, and don’t let him within 500 feet of me or the boys.” Louis ordered, slamming his fist on the desk. He knew how much of an arse he was being, but he didn’t care. He was not going to allow that… Devil back into his life.

“No, not unless you give me a reason. If he wants to see a show, and he’s willing to buy a ticket, then I’m letting him.”

“He fucking tried to kill me, dammit! I don’t want him near me!”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. I’ll see what I can do.” 

“I swear,” Louis threatened, glaring at his boss. “If I die because you failed to keep him away from me, I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. I can promise you that.”

Louis stalked out of the office, fuming. He raked a shaky hand through his hair, pulling it this way and that. The letter he should have never read was burned into his retinas. He could practically hear that retched voice speaking the words that his killer hands had written.

_Zayn,_

_I know about you. I know how you weaseled your way into his life. You’re doing well for yourself. Selling houses wasn’t good enough for you? I didn’t even know you could sing. Still don’t think you can._

_I will find him. I will find all of you. I’m out on an early release for “good behavior.” Can you believe it? I finally get to see daylight. He won’t be so fortunate once I find you._

_You betrayed me, Zayn. You turned me in, and that wasn’t nice. I’d keep an eye on that Perrie girl of yours. Wouldn’t want something to happen to her, would you?_

_He’s my ultimate target. I will stop at nothing until I get him where I want him. I’ll be seeing you, Zayn._

~*~

“Hello, Stockholm!” Liam shouted, voice getting drowned out by the screams from the crowd. 

“We’ve got a story we want to tell you,” Niall said, putting his guitar over his shoulder. 

“About seven years ago, I was in a very dark place in my life,” Louis began, sitting on a stool. The boys stood behind him, biting their lips. This story was difficult for them to hear, because they already knew. They experienced it. Harry placed a loving hand on his shoulder, and Louis reached up to hold onto it. It was his lifeline. 

“I was in an abusive relationship for six years of my life. My judgment was clouded by what I thought was love. But, it was fear. I was terrified of my boyfriend. There were times where I thought he was going to kill me. He almost did, once.” Louis shared, keeping his eyes on the stage floor. The arena was eerily silent as he told his story, but he knew some of them were crying. He didn’t want to see their faces, which were no doubt filled with pity, sorrow, anger, heartbreak, and other emotions he couldn’t describe.

“These four boys saved me. They mean the absolute world to me, and if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. I want to share my story with you, because I feel you need to know.” Louis stood, finally looking out at the crowd.

“And I’m begging you. If you are or ever get into an abusive relationship, please, _get out_. Leaving him was the hardest, scariest, and best decision of my entire life. I’m begging you with everything in me, don’t _ever_ put up with that. Nobody deserves the kind of pain I went through.” Louis said, walking to his piano. He sat down, cracking his knuckles. 

“So this first song is one that I wrote when I first began my relationship. None of the boys have heard it, and I’ve never played it for anyone.” Louis explained, starting to play.

 

_“We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain. We jumped, never asking why. We kissed; I fell under your spell. A love no one could deny. Don’t you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you. I can’t live a lie, running for my life. I will always want you.”_

_“I came in like a wrecking ball. I never hit so hard in love. All I wanted was to break your walls. All you ever did was wreck me. Yeah, you wreck me. I put you up high in the sky and now, you’re not coming down. It slowly turned, you let me burn and now, we’re ashes on the ground.”_

_“Don’t you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you. I can’t live a lie, running for my life. I will always want you. I came in like a wrecking ball. I never hit so hard in love. All I wanted was to break your walls. All you ever did was wreck me. I came in like a wrecking ball. Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung. Left me crashing in a blazing fall, all you ever did was wreck me. Yeah, you wreck me.”_

_“I never meant to start a war. I just wanted you to let me in. And instead of using force, I guess I should’ve let you win. I never meant to start a war. I just wanted you to let me in. I guess I should’ve let you win. I came in like a wrecking ball and all you ever did was wreck me...”_

_“I came in like a wrecking ball. Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung. Left me crashing in a blazing fall, all you ever did was wreck me. Yeah you, you wreck me. Yeah...”_

 

Louis had tears falling before he even finished the song. He pinched the bridge of his nose, willing the tears to cease. Harry walked over, pulling Louis to his feet. He wrapped his arms around him, cradling Louis against his chest. Louis’ shoulders shook as he began to cry into his lover’s shirt. He reached his arms around, gripping the back of his shirt. Louis thought he was stronger than this. He thought he could tell his story. 

“Harry,” Louis whispered, shaking slightly. “Harry, I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“Baby, you can,” Harry soothed, running a hand through his hair. He pulled back just a little, reaching a hand up to wipe his tears. “I’m right here. The boys are right here. We’re not going anywhere. I promise.”

Louis sniffed, wiping his eyes. He looked up at Harry, searching his eyes for any doubt. Finding none, he nodded and kissed his cheek. Whispering a sweet nothing, he sat back down on the piano stool. Harry stood behind him, placing his hands on his shoulders. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head, smiling very softly as Louis began to play a nameless melody.

“Before I became a band with these boys, I worked at a bar that Liam used to own. It was called Whiskey Kiss, and it was my safe haven. When things were terrible at home, I was there. So, naturally, I was there all the time.” 

Louis stopped, taking a few deep breaths. He shook his hands out, praying they would stop shaking long enough for him to play. He absentmindedly leaned back against Harry’s chest, closing his eyes, feeling his warmth. 

“I asked that this concert be available to fans who are sixteen or older, because I didn’t want to relive my story and have the younger fans hear,” Louis said, rubbing his hands on his thighs. They were beginning to sweat, his telltale sign of fear. 

“I was raped,” Louis confessed, his eyes brimming with tears. “Granted, he never did it until the end, but he was getting desperate. And, trust me, I’m not making excuses for him. But, I lived with him for six years, so I knew how he worked. I knew that he would get crazy and not think things through when he felt me beginning to stray away from him.”

Harry’s grip on his shoulders tightened slightly, silently telling Louis he was getting angry. Louis reached up, stroking his fingers across the backs of his hands. Harry visibly relaxed, sighing into Louis’ hair.  


“Baby,” Harry whispered, nudging his nose against Louis’ ear. He felt a few tears drop onto his shoulder, soaking into his t-shirt. “Please don’t. I can’t hear it again.”

“I have to, Haz.” Louis responded, kissing his fingertips. Louis turned his head to look up at him, finding tears pooling in his partner’s luscious green eyes. “Baby… I want the fans to know my story. Our story.”

“I just,” Harry sniffed, rubbing the back of his hand furiously against his eyes. “It was so hard, seeing you like that. I know I wasn’t there in the beginning of it, but I wish every day that I was. You have no idea how much I wish I could go back just to be able to keep you from meeting him.”

“Harry,” Louis said, standing from the piano stool. He slid his hands over his shoulders, shaking him a bit. He locked eyes with him. “Don’t. Okay? Don’t talk like that. I’m thankful that I met you when I did. I know it was a rotten time in my life, but I wouldn’t go back and change it. I am who I am because of it. And if it weren’t for everything happening to me, I wouldn’t have met you.”

“Okay,” Harry said, nodding. He ran a shaky hand through his curls, ruffling them. “Okay. Yeah, okay.” 

“Babe, it’s okay.” Louis said, kissing his cheek. He positioned himself back on the piano stool. He looked up at Harry, patting the seat beside him. Harry sat down, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“These songs,” Louis started, pressing a few keys. “They’re not in any order, really. This song that I’m about to play is about Harry.”

There were a few screams and cheers from the crowd, and Louis couldn’t help but smile. He closed his eyes, feeling Harry’s soft lips press against his temple. 

“When I first met Harry, he was new to London. He came into Whiskey Kiss on whim. I’d like to think my voice captivated him.” Louis teased, gently bumping shoulders with him. 

“Not true,” Harry said, turning to the crowd. “When I first met him, I was captivated by his eyes. They’re just the prettiest color of blue.” 

Louis blushed, hiding his face in his hands. He let a soft giggle leave his lips, hearing the crowd ‘ooh’ and ‘ah’. He swatted Harry’s leg with one of his dainty hands before playing another nameless tune. 

“Okay, I’ve changed my mind. I’m saving my Harry song for later. However, when I wrote this song, I didn’t know it would be for Harry. But, in a way, it is.” Louis said, starting to play.

 

_“I’m not surprised not everything lasts. I’ve broken my heart so many times that I stopped keeping track. I talked myself in. I talked myself out. I get all worked up then I let myself down. I tried so very hard not to lose it. I came up with a million excuses. I thought I thought of every possibility.”_

_“And I know some day that it’ll all turn out. You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out. And I promise you, kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get. I just haven’t met you yet.”_

_“I might have to wait. I’ll never give up. I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck. Wherever you are, whenever it’s right, you’ll come out of nowhere and into my life. And I know that we could be so amazing, and maybe your love is gonna change me. Now I can see every possibility.”_

_“But, somehow I know that it’ll all turn out. You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out. And I promise you, kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get. I just haven’t met you yet.”_

_“They say all’s fair in love and war. But, I won’t need to fight it. We’ll get it right and we’ll be united. Oh, you know that it’ll all turn out. You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out. And I promise you, kid, that I’ll give so much more than I get. I just haven’t met you yet.”_

 

The song positively floored Harry. He couldn’t stop staring while Louis’ lyrics flowed flawlessly from his lips. He surged forward, capturing Louis’ mouth with his. He put so much passion and overall love into the kiss that Louis was simply taken aback. By instinct, his fingers threaded themselves in Harry’s curls, pulling him closer. 

“For Good,” Harry whispered against his lips, slowly pulling away to look into his eyes. 

“For Good,” Louis agreed, smiling. He kissed his cheek, taking a deep breath. “This next song Harry and I wrote together. This is our song, one hundred percent. It took Harry and I months to write this song, so we really hope you like it.”

Louis began playing, smiling softly as the backup band joined in. Harry placed a kiss to Louis’ perfectly messy fringe, his voice carrying through the arena. 

 

_“I’m limited. Just look at me. I’m limited, and just look at you. You can do all I couldn’t do, Louis. So now it’s up to you for both of us. Now it’s up to you.”_

_“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most grow, if we let them, and we help them in return.”_

_“Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun, like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”_

_“It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part. So much of me is made from what I’ve learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.”_

_“Like a ship blown from it’s mooring by a wind off the sea, like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But, because I knew you…”_

_“Because I knew you, I have been changed for good. And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for. But, then I guess we know there’s blame to share and none of it seems to matter anymore. Like a comet pulled from orbit, oh like a ship blown from it’s mooring. As it passes the sun; by a wind off the sea.”_

_“The stream that meets the boulder, like a seed dropped from a bird in the wood, halfway through the wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better, and because I knew you, because I knew you, because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”_

 

The concert went by in a flash, filled with meaningful songs and witty banter between the five-member group. Louis felt as if he was flying. During their last song, he took the time to look at each of his four best friends, and silently thanked the heavens above to have blessed him with four angels.

In simple words, without those four angels, because that’s what they _were_ , Louis would literally be dead. He never would have gained the courage to run away from everything he’s known and throttle headfirst into something completely different. At one point, Harry reached over and tangled his fingers with Louis’ and in that tender touch, Louis knew that he could and **would** overcome anything that Alex sent him.


	2. "Suppressed by all my childish fears..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very beginning of this chapter is a flash-forward, so this is why it is in italics.
> 
> The songs featured in this chapter are:
> 
> 1\. "Spend Another Night" by Billy Gilman
> 
> 2\. "Last First Kiss (Live Version)" by One Direction
> 
> 3\. "Roar (A Katy Perry Cover)" by Tanner Patrick

_The screams rang through the flat. There was no stopping it. Zayn and Liam charged through the door, rubbing the sleep from their eyes. Tears pooled in both sets of brown eyes, watching as their best friend thrashed violently on the bed._

_“Louis, please! You can’t leave me!” Harry tossed and turned, tears unknowingly streaming down his face. Liam ran to him, holding him still on the bed._

_“Harry, please! Wake up!” Liam pleaded, tears falling on Harry’s naked chest. Harry jolted awake, green eyes clouded by the nightmare. He looked around, his eyes finally settling on Liam._

_“L-Li…” Harry begged, staring up at his older friend. Liam shook his head solemnly, biting his lip to fight the tears. Harry let out a pitiful wail, curling in on himself. He gripped his curls, yanking on them as he cried. The boys didn’t have the heart to stop him, they never did. Their hearts broke, hearing his screams. They wanted to desperately help him, but they couldn’t. They couldn’t do anything other than sit there and watch Harry relive the horrible memory of Louis leaving him for another life._

~*~

“You’re amazing,” Harry breathed, pressing his lips against the shell of Louis’ ear. He wrapped his arms around his lover’s sweaty body, pulling him closer. “You’re absolutely breathtaking, Lou.” 

“Haz…” Louis chided, turning into his boyfriend’s chest. He nuzzled his nose against his neck, breathing in the fragrance that was Harry. Times like those were what Louis cherished most. Just lying in bed, spent from hours of passionate lovemaking, wrapped in each other’s arms. 

“I’m serious, Lou,” Harry said, rolling on top of him. He ran his hands up Louis’ toned body, kissing his lips lovingly. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but you are so beautiful. So, so beautiful. And you’re all mine.”

“Mm, all yours.” Louis breathed, relishing in the touch. Tilting his head back, he arched his back feeling Harry kiss down his chest. He ran a hand through the sweaty curls, slowly and gently pulling on them just to hear the delicious moans come from Harry’s wonderful, pink lips.

“I wrote you something,” Harry announced.

“You did? Like, a song?” Louis asked, leaning up on his elbows. Harry looked up, locking eyes with him. He nodded slowly, biting his lip.

“Well, let me hear it! Please!” Louis exclaimed, sitting up the rest of the way. Harry chuckled softly, standing up from the bed. Slipping on his boxers, Harry started walking toward their living room. He stopped in the doorway, turning to Louis. He raised an eyebrow, beckoning him to follow. Louis smirked, jumping out of bed. He pranced to his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his neck. Harry leaned down, gripping Louis’ thighs. He lifted him up, Louis hooking his legs around his waist.

“I love you,” Harry declared, kissing him softly before carrying him into the living room. Setting him down on the couch, Harry walked over to their grand piano that he bought Louis for their first anniversary. Louis grabbed the throw blanket, wrapping it around himself. 

“What’s the song called?” Louis whispered, not wanting to break their tender moment.

“Spend Another Night.” 

 

_“I instantly knew when I saw you, you and I would be forever. Hearts never apart, true from the start, to each other and together. There’s nothing we can’t do, and until the end of time, if you tell me you’ll be mine…”_

_“I’m never gonna spend another night without you in my dreams for the rest of my life. I’m gonna reach out to you honestly and try to give you what you need with all of my might. ‘Cause nothing has ever felt so real and so right, so I’m never gonna spend another night without you in my dreams.”_

_“’Cause you are so in my heart. Even alone in the dark, I can feel the light of our love shining. We are so meant to be. That we are definitely destiny and there’s no denying that I love you. Though it’s so cliché, there’s nothing else to say.”_

_“But, I’m never gonna spend another night without you in my dreams for the rest of my life. I’m gonna reach out to you honestly and try to give you what you need with all of my might. ‘Cause nothing has ever felt so real and so right, so I’m never gonna, never gonna. Never gonna spend another night without you in my dreams. I’m never gonna spend another night, ooh.”_

~*~

Traveling the world made Louis feel safe, safer than he could ever feel sitting at home, waiting. Louis wasn’t stupid; he knew Alex would find him eventually. Maybe that’s why Harry and Liam took up boxing. Maybe that’s why Niall stayed in touch with his ex, Emma, to keep an eye on Alex’s whereabouts. Maybe that’s why Zayn demanded he know how many tickets have been bought and who bought them. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why Louis hid under the radar. 

Louis was afraid. The boys could sense it when they would come up behind him and pull him into a hug, worry lines creasing their foreheads when he would flinch out of their grasp. Louis felt he was going crazy. It’s been seven years, seven carefree years, and now everything was coming back to him, hitting him like a freight train.

“Louis?” Niall asked, snapping his fingers in front of his friend’s face. Louis blinked a few times, coming back to reality. He looked at Niall, offering a small smile.

“Hey, sorry. Guess I kind of spaced out,” Louis confessed, strumming his guitar. He had enlisted Niall into teaching him how to play the guitar. He had been working on a new song, but it seemed to only work with a guitar, and Louis wanted to solely play this song with no help.

“It’s okay. We all get that way. Just… Don’t think about him, okay? He’s not worth your thoughts anymore, Lou. Let’s focus on your riffs. They’re getting better, but they still need work.” Niall instructed, smiling softly as they dove back into their work. Louis was grateful to have a friend like Niall. Yes, he worried, but he knew when to be a distraction and what a thankful distraction he was. He knew just what Louis needed and when he needed it. 

~*~

“O2 Arena!” Liam shouted, standing at the end of the stage. Louis stood next to Harry, smiling at the mass crowd waiting to hear them sing. Harry wrapped an arm around Louis’ shoulders, bringing him close.

“Love you,” Harry whispered, kissing his ear. Louis blushed, leaning into his boyfriend.

“I love you, too.” 

“We’re gonna start off by singing one of our first songs we’ve ever written together. And! It gets better!” Liam exclaimed, turning to Harry and Louis. 

“It was written for Harry and Louis!” Niall shouted, his voice being drowned out by the screams and cheers. Niall laughed, grabbing his guitar. Liam walked over, grabbing his guitar as well, sending the crowd into another screaming frenzy.

 

_“Baby I, I wanna know what you think when you’re alone. Is it me, yeah? Are you thinking of me, yeah? Yeah, we’ve been friends now, for a while. I wanna know that when you smile that it’s me, yeah. That you’re thinking of me, yeah. Whoa, oh.”_

_“Lou, what would you do? Would you wanna stay if I were to say…”_

“Sing it, O2!”

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your, let me be your last first kiss. I wanna be first, yeah. Wanna be the first to take it all the way like this. And if you only knew I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss.”_

“People in the back!”

_“Baby, tell me what to change. I’m afraid you’ll run away if I tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you, oh.”_

_“Maybe I just gotta wait. Maybe this is a mistake. I’m a fool, yeah. Maybe I’m just a fool, yeah. Oh, whoa.”_

_“Girl, what would you do? Would you wanna stay if I were to say…”_

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your, let me be your last first kiss. I wanna be first, yeah. Wanna be the first to take it all the way like this. And if you only knew I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss.”_

“How we doing up top?”

_“Your last first kiss!”_

_“Girl, what would you do? Would you wanna stay if I were to say…”_

_“Your last first kiss!”_

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me your, let me be your last first kiss. I wanna be first, yeah. Wanna be the first to take it all the way like this. And if you only knew I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss!”_

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss.”_

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss.”_

_“I wanna be last, yeah. Baby, let me be your last.”_

_“Your last first kiss.”_

 

The boys paraded around the stage, simply just having fun. London was home to all of them. The O2 was their favorite place to play. Louis walked over to Niall, slapping a hand on his shoulder.

“I think I’m ready to play the song.” Louis said, biting his lip.

“Are you sure? Did you finish writing it?” 

“I finished it a while ago, but I didn’t want to play it somewhere other than London. London’s my home.”

“Then, let’s get you set up.” Niall said, walking away to talk to the band.

“Baby?” Harry asked, walking over to Louis. Louis smiled at him, taking his hands in his.

“I wrote a song. This is our last show for a couple of weeks, so I want to sing it. I’m doing it by myself. No backup band or vocals. Just me, and a guitar.” Louis explained, tangling their fingers together.

“You learned to play the guitar?” Harry asked, amazed.

“Yeah. I can’t wait for you to hear me. I’ve gotten really good.” Louis said. Harry placed a soft kiss to Louis’ lips, smiling.

“I’ll be right here, listening to every word.” Harry said, giving one last kiss before untangling himself. Louis walked to center stage, setting his microphone stand up. He slipped his guitar strap over his shoulder, taking a look around the arena. 

Nobody saw the evil man positioned in the nosebleed section, watching as his target took his place. Nobody knew what the man had in mind for Louis Tomlinson.

“Okay, so most of you know my background and my story. You know about my ex, and what I’ve been through. This song is sort of my ‘look at me now’ song. This song is to him, to Alex. I wrote this to show him that no matter what, I’m still here and he can’t touch me anymore.”

 

_“I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath, scared to rock the boat and make a mess. So I sat quietly, agreed politely. I guess that I forgot I had a choice. I let you push me passed the breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything.”_

_“You held me down, but I got up, already brushing off the dust. You hear my voice, you hear that sound. Like thunder, gonna shake the ground. You held me down, but I got up. Get ready ‘cause I’ve had enough. I see it all, I see it now.”_

_“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire. ‘Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar louder. Louder than a lion ‘cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar.”_

_“Now I’m floating like a butterfly, stinging like a bee, I earned my stripes. I went from zero, to my own hero. You held me down, but I got up, already brushing off the dust. You hear my voice, you hear that sound. Like thunder, gonna shake the ground. You held me down, but I got up. Get ready ‘cause I’ve had enough. I see it all, I see it now.”_

_“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire. ‘Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar louder. Louder than a lion, ‘cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar.”_

_“And you’re gonna hear me roar. And you’re gonna hear me roar. Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar. I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire. ‘Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar louder. Louder than a lion, ‘cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar. You’re gonna hear me roar. You’re gonna hear me roar.”_

 

The arena erupted into applause as Louis took a bow. He smiled, lifting a hand to wave at the crowd. He scanned his eyes around, smiling more at the thousands of fans who came to see them play. 

Alex glared at his ex-lover, watching him soak up the fame like he deserved it, like he belonged in the spotlight. He couldn’t take it anymore. Something had to be done, and it had to be done now. Nobody paid any attention to him as Alex escaped the confines of his arena seat. He made his way out, pulling his hood up to shield his face. Nobody saw.

~*~

“Lou, that song was amazing! Like, seriously!” Zayn exclaimed, throwing an arm around his shoulder as they made their way to the tour buses. Louis smiled at him, reaching for Harry’s hand.

“Yeah, Lou. You’ve got some mad skill.” Liam gushed.

“Mad skill?” Louis asked, laughing at his best friend. 

“I’m hungry. I wonder if Andrew will drive us to Nando’s before we go to the airport. The States are next, yeah?” Niall asked, walking a little further ahead than his friends.

“Seriously, Niall,” Harry said, shaking his head. “How are you in this band? You don’t know where we are half the time and the rest of the time, you’re worried about missing a meal.”

“I’ll have you know that I am a very crucial member of this band.”

“Oh, yeah? How so?” Zayn teased, smirking at the leprechaun. 

“I taught Louis how to play the guitar so he could sing his song tonight.”

The boys nodded in defeat, reaching the buses. Zayn and Niall got in to place dibs on the X-Box and mini fridge. A chilled breeze blew through the other three, causing a shiver to run down their spines. Louis looked up at the sky, seeing dark clouds coming in.

“I think a storm’s coming.” Louis voiced, biting his lip in concern. He was never one for storms. He stepped closer to Harry, trying to shield himself from the cold. 

“We’re not leaving until tomorrow morning, babe. If it does storm, I’m sure it’ll be over before we take off.” Harry comforted, pulling him into a tight embrace. Louis hugged his boyfriend, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Louis wanted to tell his boyfriend what he thought. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t mean an actual storm. He wanted to tell his significant other that he felt something evil among them. 

Not wanting to worry him, Louis pulled away and placed a soft kiss upon Harry’s lips. He smiled at him before making his way inside the tour bus. At least in there, he knew he was safe. He passed by Zayn and Niall before entering his and Harry’s single bedroom compartment. Sliding the door closed, Louis leaned against it and began to cry the silent tears of fear. 

Voices carried through the open window, ceasing Louis’ tears for the time being. He quietly moved toward the window, listening to Harry and Liam’s seemingly private conversation.

“How is he doing?” Liam asked, leaning against the bus.

“I think,” Harry started, looking around. Sighing, he turned his attention to Liam and shrugged. “I think he’s putting on a brave front. I think he wants us to think he’s okay and he’s not scared, but his eyes betray what he’s saying. I know he’s scared. But, I’m going to protect him. I love him, and I’ll die if it means keeping him safe.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, though. By tomorrow night, we’ll be out of the country and we’ll be gone for months. We don’t even know where he is.” Liam said, crossing his arms.

“Exactly,” Harry stated, running a hand through his curls. “Liam, we don’t know where he is. He could be anywhere. He could have been at our show tonight.”

“Bullshit. Our security team knows his name and what he looks like. He would never have gotten in.”

“Liam, the guy has been in prison for seven years. The only picture the security has of him is the one from his old company website. He could have changed his appearance or his name.”

“Harry, stop, okay? He’s not going to hurt Louis. We won’t let him.” Liam promised, bringing Harry into a hug.

“If he touches Louis, I’ll kill him.” Harry declared, walking onto the bus with Liam. Harry said his goodnights to the boys before retreating to the room. Sliding the door open, Harry walked inside and was faced with a sight he never wanted to see.

“Oh, baby.” Harry said, making his way to Louis. He wrapped his arms around Louis and held him tight as Louis began to openly cry into his lover’s chest. All the memories, the tears, and the abuse came back to him like it had never left. 

“H-Harry…” Louis cried, looking up at him. “If he finds me, he’ll k-kill me. I know he will.”

“No, Louis. Stop.” Harry demanded, taking his face in his hands. “Listen to me. Alex is not going to find you, okay? And if he does, he’ll have to go through our security team then the four of us before he can even touch you, okay? We’re going to protect you.”

“I don’t want to die, Harry.” Louis whispered, fresh tears falling down his face. Harry’s eyes filled with tears as he looked at his boyfriend, his Louis, who was filled to the brim with fear.

“Louis William Tomlinson,” Harry said, wiping his tears away. “You are not going to die. I’ll die before I let it happen. If you die, so will I.”

Looking back on that moment, Harry never realized how true those words were. Harry cherished every moment he ever had with Louis because, at the beginning, he didn’t know how many he’d have with him. He never could have predicted getting signed to a record deal with Louis and their three best friends. 

He never could have predicted that everything would crash down on him, that everything that ever mattered to him would be ripped away from his grasp as he desperately tried to hold on. Harry didn’t know that, in that moment, it was going to be the last time he saw the love of his life alive.


	3. "And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..."

Harry and Louis spent the rest of their night roaming each other’s bodies with kisses and tender touches. Harry fell asleep as soon as the adrenaline of the concert and sex faded away, but Louis lay awake, staring up at the ceiling. Feeling the bus stop, Louis untangled himself from Harry’s grasp and pulled on some boxers and one of Harry’s hoodies. 

Quietly, Louis made his way to the front of the bus. Letting himself into the driver’s compartment, he looked at Andrew.

“Are we almost to the airport?”

“Yeah, just a few more minutes. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Andrew asked, glancing at Louis before returning his eyes to the road.

“Yeah, but I just couldn’t. Too restless, I guess.” Louis explained, content with watching the cars passing by.

“You’ll be okay, Lou,” Andrew promised. Louis forgot sometimes that the crew people were his friends, too. Hearing Andrew, their driver, promise that he was going to be okay made him realize how many people were there for him.

“I want to believe that, Drew, I do. I’ve become so accustomed to this lifestyle, to him being behind bars. And, now that he’s out, all these memories are coming back. These memories are punishing me for ever letting myself think I could forget about him.”

“You’re allowed to be happy, Louis. Hell, after everything you’ve been through, you bloody deserve to be happy. I’m assuming Harry makes you happy, yeah?”

“Is that even a question worth asking? Harry saved me when I thought I couldn’t be saved. The other lads helped me heal. But, reading that letter back in Stockholm, seeing his handwriting again, it made me realize that this is my life. That he was a huge part of my life, and whether I want to admit it or not, he impacted me more than anyone ever has. Alex isn’t stupid. He knows exactly what to do and say to get under my skin. He knows that as long as I know he’s out of prison, I’m going to be stepping on eggshells until he either finds me and kills me or until I drive myself crazy by thinking he’s out to get me.” Louis confessed, wringing his hands together. Seeing the exit for the airport, Louis breathed a sigh of relief. Alex couldn’t touch him when he would be thousands of miles in the air. If he could just stay in the air for the rest of his life, he would.

Sneaking a cigarette from Zayn’s pack, Louis walked outside once the bus reached the airport. Standing behind the bus, Louis lit his cigarette and took a few nervous drags, looking around him. It was barely dawn when they pulled in, and a layer of fog settled itself around him. Experimentally, Louis held a hand in front of his face, concluding just how thick the fog was. 

Stamping his cigarette out, Louis turned to go back inside and came face to face with someone he thought he would never see again. Alex grabbed him in that second, covering his mouth with his hand to silence his screams. Nobody saw the struggle as Alex dragged him away, the fog covering his tracks as he disappeared into the darkness.

~*~

Alex tied Louis’ wrists together and placed tape over his mouth. Shoving him into his backseat, Alex took his place in the driver’s seat. Louis struggled in the back, desperately trying to get his hands free. Tears fell helplessly from his eyes as his worst nightmare started happening. He felt the car rear back as Alex stepped on the gas and sped away.

“It’s so nice to see you again, Louis. How long has it been? Seven years?” Alex asked, keeping his eyes on the road. Louis ignored him, struggling with his hands behind his back. He fought against the tape as he tried to pull his hands free. Louis moved to the door, trying to get his hands on the door handle.

“You can try all you want, but it's no use. There’s this wonderful thing called a child’s lock and it prevents the back doors from being able to be opened from the inside. You’re locked in, Lou.”

Louis whimpered at the sound of his nickname. That name was reserved for Harry. Thinking of Harry, Louis began to cry earnestly as he fought uselessly against the restraints. What was he going to do when he woke up and realized that Louis wasn’t next to him?

~*~

“Louis and Harry, get your lazy arses up! We have a plane to catch.” Niall announced, rapping his fist against the couple’s door. Harry stirred awake, looking around. Realizing he was alone, he shot out of bed and ripped the door open.

“Where’s Louis?” Harry demanded, looking at Niall.

“Isn’t he in there with you?” Niall asked, biting his lip. An uneasy feeling settled in his gut, knowing Louis wasn’t with the other lads. 

“No, he’s not, Niall. Where the fuck is he?” Harry asked, pushing passed his friend. Walking outside in nothing but his boxers, he looked around. 

“Louis!” Harry called, hoping for some sign of his boyfriend.

“Harry?” Liam asked, walking around the bus. Taking in his appearance, Liam knew then that Louis was missing. Running to Paul, he grabbed his arm as tears pooled in his eyes.

“Louis’ missing. Has anyone seen him?” Liam asked, gripping Paul’s arm like a lifeline. Paul looked down at him and shook his head. He wrapped an arm around him, kissing his head before pulling away to look at him again. 

“No. But, don’t worry. I’m on it. We’ll find him.” Paul promised, pulling out his phone. Dialing a number, he walked away to notify the security team.

“We are not leaving until we find him! I am not getting on a plane without him!” Harry yelled, glaring at each security member. 

~*~

Alex slammed on the brakes in the middle of Route 175, causing Louis to fall forward into the driver and passenger seats. Alex removed his hoodie and set it beneath him, sitting on it. He reached over, opening the glove compartment. He grabbed a pair of pliers. Grabbing a fistful of Louis’ hair, he pulled him back into a sitting position. 

“This might hurt just a bit.” Alex warned, ripping the tape off of Louis’ mouth. He started to scream, but a backhand to the face silenced him quickly. Alex forced Louis’ mouth open and placed the pliers in his mouth, gripping one of Louis’ teeth. Tears fell helplessly from Louis’ eyes and he knew what was about to happen. 

“I need your DNA, love. The world needs to think you’re dead.” Alex confessed, yanking one of Louis’ molars out of his mouth. Louis screamed in pain, blood quickly filling his mouth. 

“You fucking asshole!” Louis screamed, spitting blood in his face. Alex wiped the blood with his shirt and removed it, placing it on the seat. Alex leaned in close, his evil breath fanning over his face.

“I won’t kill you, but I’m going to make you wish you were dead.” Alex promised. He reared his fist back, punching Louis in the nose. Feeling his nose crack, Louis let out another scream. Blood started to pour out of his nostrils, mixing with the blood seeping from his mouth. 

The next few minutes went by in a flash. Louis had a towel placed over his nose and mouth, stopping the blood flow. Alex looked up, seeing a tanker truck heading their way. Horns were blown as the tanker truck tried to warn them. Louis looked toward the sound, his eyes widening as the realization dawned on him. He started hitting Alex’s chest with his tied fists, trying to push him toward the driver seat. 

The tanker slammed on his breaks, causing his truck to skid sideways on the road. It slowed his movements only slightly, the chance of a huge collision very likely. Louis ripped the towel away from his face, shouting at Alex.

“Alex! Fucking drive, or we’re going to die!” Louis screamed, watching as his life flashed before his eyes. Alex tried to open the door, but remembered the child lock. Yelling a profanity, Alex jumped into the front seat. He grabbed Louis, pulling him with him. A car behind them pulled on the side of the road, wrenching his door open.

“Hey! Hey, get out of the way!” The man shouted, trying to help without getting too close. Alex got his door open and made a jump for it, but it was too late. The truck made its collision.

~*~

Hours and hours went by and no one had any luck with finding Louis. The boys were tense with worry, pacing back and forth. Harry had found Louis’ phone a while after he went missing, and had went through it to see if there was any clue as to where he could have gone. There wasn’t.

Nobody said anything to anyone. In their hearts, they knew who had done this. They knew the man had gotten to Louis, and there was nothing they could do to help. Harry had retired to his and Louis’ bedroom to try and get some rest, but the boys knew he didn’t want them seeing him break down.

“Li, turn the TV on or something. Just… Noise.” Zayn said, putting out his sixth cigarette in the last hour. He clenched his fists to will them to stop shaking, but it was no use. Sighing again, he grabbed his cigarette pack and proceeded to smoke another one. Liam grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, the news popping up. 

“Here I am, on Route 175, where a major collision has happened. As you can see behind me, the car burst into flames on impact. It was reported to be two victims in what looks to be a Honda, and one individual in the tanker truck. The driver of the truck is expected to be okay, however, the two individuals in the Honda died on impact. No word yet on who these individuals are. I’m Elissa Harrington, News 5.”

“People just don’t watch where they’re going. It’s a shame, something has to happen like this.” Niall said, tearing open a bag of chips.

“We weren’t there. We don’t know the story. Maybe the car broke down and truck couldn’t stop.” Liam defended, keeping his eyes on the news.

“This just in. We have confirmation on the names of the two individuals. The first victim, who also appeared to be the driver, was Alex Pettyfer. Now, Alex Pettyfer had just been released from prison for the attempted murder of One Direction member, Louis Tomlinson.” Elissa explained, firemen and police officers working quickly behind her to clean up the scene.

“Oh, God… Please don’t say it,” Liam begged, staring at the screen. Elissa continued to talk about Alex, not knowing the tension and dread she was filling the three members of the biggest boyband in the world with.

“The second individual seemed to have suffered injuries prior to the accident. Traces of blood were found, as well as a tooth. Crewmembers arrived at the scene to extinguish the fire, only to find the remains of the victims’ bodies had turned to ash. For the second individual, we had to get DNA from the tooth for confirmation.” Elissa stated. Zayn stared at the screen, his heart pounding in his chest. 

“It pains me to confirm that the second individual is Louis Tomlinson from One Direction—” 

The moments after went by in a teary blur. Zayn crumbled his pack of his cigarettes, the tears streaming down his face. Niall dropped his bag of chips, punching the TV and shattering the screen. Liam fell to his knees, fisting his hands in his hair. His best friend since high school was pronounced dead and there was nothing left of his body, nothing left but a tooth.

Phones started ringing with phone calls, Twitter mentions, Facebook notifications, text messages, and more. Paul walked onto the tour bus, fighting tears. He let a few tears fall, seeing the state the boys were in.

“Would you like me to tell Harry?” Paul asked, already making his way to the back. Liam stood on shaky legs, stopping him.

“N-No. I’ll do it. I n-need to do it.” Liam said, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes. Paul nodded and sat with Niall and Zayn, putting his arms around them as they cried into their father figure.

Liam made his way to Harry’s bedroom, stopping at the door. He took a few deep breaths, steadying himself before sliding the door open. He took a step in, seeing Harry curled in a ball in the middle of the bed, holding the pink his and her blanket Louis got him. He was sound asleep with tearstains on his cheeks. Liam sat at the edge of the bed and gently shook him awake.

“Harry, you need to wake up. I have something I need to t-tell you.” Liam said, his voice cracking. He wanted to be strong for Harry. He _needed_ to be strong for him. But, how could he?

“Liam? What’s going on?” Harry asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Harry, there was a crash. A car had broken down on Route 175, and a tanker truck collided with it.” Liam explained, wondering just how he was going to explain to Harry that his boyfriend was no longer alive.

“Okay. Why did you wake me up to tell me that?” Harry asked, sitting up more.

“Harry, I need you to listen to me, okay? The car exploded when the truck collided with it. There were two people in the car, and they died on impact.” Liam explained, tears blinding his vision. He let out a tiny sob, gripping Harry’s hand.

“L-Liam. Who was in the c-car?” Harry asked, panic coursing through his body.

“A-Alex and L-Louis.”

~*~

A week passed by as their management made the necessary arrangements. The North American leg of their tour was cancelled, tickets refunded to the patrons. The boys went to the scene of the crash to place a cross, only to find thousands of crosses placed in the field next to the highway.

A meeting was arranged for management and the band to discuss what would happen with the loss of a crucial member. Harry, Liam, Zayn, and Niall were seated at one end of the long table, their management seated at the other.

“I was thinking,” Simon started, linking his fingers together. “I was thinking that we put together a memorial concert. We’ll televise it worldwide, we’ll sell tickets for fans to be present. I think this will be the best way for everyone to say goodbye.”

“That sounds fine, Simon. Is it going to just be us?” Liam asked, looking at his boss.

“No. There are other artists that want to contribute as well. Nick Grimshaw will host, broadcasting it on BBC radio. Cher Lloyd, Olly Murs, Little Mix, Ed Sheeran, and Lottie will be singing.”

“Lot… Lottie?” Niall asked, looking up at him. Simon nodded, biting his lip.

“She wants to sing a song for him. I said I’d let her.” Simon explained.

“Anyone who wants to come pay tribute is allowed. Louis wouldn’t want anyone to be turned away.” Liam declared, looking at his management team. The boys nodded in agreement.

“Okay, it’s settled then. We’ll give two weeks to get the news out there. It’ll be held at Wembley Stadium.”

“No.” Harry spoke, looking at Simon. Harry hardly spoke anymore, and hearing his voice was a shock to all.

“Wembley is very large. We’ll be able to have more guests there.”

“It has to be at the O2. That was Lou… That was his favorite arena. It needs to be there.” Harry explained, tears clouding his vision. Simon sighed, nodding his head.

“I’ll make the proper arrangements. You have two weeks to prepare yourselves.” Simon said, leaving with his associates.

~*~

The next two weeks went by quicker than the boys could have imagined. Harry couldn’t stay in his house, because everything was his and Louis’. He stayed with Niall, sending the boys to get clothes or something explicitly his. If they brought him something that had a trace of Louis, he’d start crying. It pained the boys to see him like that, but there was nothing they could do.

“Hello, boys.” Nick greeted, shaking their hands. He had his BBC radio nametag pinned to his shirt.

“Hey, Nick. Thanks for doing this.” Liam said, putting his earpieces in.

“It’s not a problem. I know Louis and I didn’t get along too well, but I do miss the guy. I’m sad to see him go.” Nick said, grabbing his microphone. Getting the signal from the sound crew, Nick made his way to the stage. 

As the boys finished getting ready, Nick made his introductions and did his usual radio talk. Liam was scheduled first to perform, then Niall, followed by Zayn. Harry was scheduled to perform multiple songs throughout the memorial.

“Harry?” Someone asked, walking up to the youngest member. Harry looked up from his hands, seeing Cher.

“Hey, Cher.” Harry greeted, accepting the hug she gave him.

“It’ll all be okay, Harry. It might not seem so right now, but it will.” Cher promised, rubbing his back for added comfort.

“Thank you, Cher. It means a lot that you’re here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

~*~

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Before I announce the first guest, I ask that you please keep your screams to a minimum. Let the lyrics flow through the arena. Let the lyrics reach Louis, wherever he may be. First up, Mr. Liam Payne.”


	4. "Because your presence still lingers here..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bolded parts of the story are happening while the song is being performed.
> 
> Songs featured:
> 
> 1\. "Time of Our Lives" by Tyrone Wells
> 
> 2\. "Live Like We're Dying" by Kris Allen
> 
> 3\. "Aftermath (Glam Nation Live Version)" by Adam Lambert
> 
> 4\. "In Case" by Demi Lovato
> 
> 5\. "Don't Let Me Go" by Harry Styles

Liam walked onto the stage, a solemn look to his face. He gave a tiny wave to the crowd before taking his place at the microphone stand. A crewmember brought a stool to him, Liam gratefully taking it and sitting down.

“Louis showed me how strong he was throughout his life. There were a lot of hard times in his life, and he had a brave face through it all. I only saw him cry a handful of times and even then, it was after I told him he could cry in front of me. I tried so hard to show him that I was there for him. I just hope he knew.” Liam said, taking a few deep breaths.

“I wrote this song just last week. This is for him. If you catch onto the chorus, please feel free to sing along.” Liam said, images and memories of Louis filling his mind.

 

_“This is where the chapter ends. A new one now begins. Time has come for letting go. The hardest part is when you know all of these years when we were here are ending, but I’ll always remember.”_

_“We have had the time of our lives, and now the page is turned; the stories we will write. We have had the time of our lives, and I will not forget the faces left behind. It’s hard to walk away from the best of days, but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend in the time of our lives.”_

_“Where the water meets the land, there is shifting in the sand. Like the tide that ebbs and flows, memories will come and go. All of these years when we were here are ending, but I’ll always remember.”_

_“We have had the time of our lives, and now the page is turned; the stories we will write. We have had the time of our lives, and I will not forget the faces left behind. It’s hard to walk away from the best of days, but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend in the time of our lives.”_

_“We say goodbye, we hold onto tight to these memories that never die. We say goodbye, we hold on tight to these memories that never die. We have had the time of our lives, and now the page is turned; the stories we will write. We have had the time of our lives, and I will not forget the faces left behind. It’s hard to walk away from the best of days, but if it has to end, I’m glad you have been my friend in the time of our lives.”_

_“I’m glad you have been my friend in the time of our lives.”_

 

The crowd clapped as Liam exited the stage, wiping tears as he went. Zayn put his hand on his shoulder, sighing softly. Niall hugged his best mate before taking his place, waiting for his introduction. Nick made quick small talk for radio purposes before announcing Niall. 

“One of the best things I liked — No, loved, about Louis is that he truly cherished every second he had. He never took anything for granted. He loved the life that he got handed after everything that happened to him. This song is for him. Louis, wherever you are, thank you for teaching me what life is really about.” Niall said, putting his guitar strap over his shoulder.

 

_“Oh… Yeah, yeah. Sometimes we fall down, can’t get back up. We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough. How come we don’t say ‘I love you’ enough ‘til it’s too late? It’s not late. Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come, and we can make a feast from these crumbs. We’re all staring down the barrel of a gun, so if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would’ve done?”_

_“Yeah, we gotta start looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given and if this is all we got, then we gotta start thinking that every second counts on a clock that’s ticking. We gotta live like we’re dying. We only got 86, 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say. We gotta live like we’re dying.”_

_“If your plane fell out of the skies, who would you call with your last goodbye? Should be so careful who we let fall out our lives and when we long for absolution, there will no one on the line.”_

_“Yeah, we gotta start looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given. If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinking. If every second counts on a clock that’s ticking, gotta live like we’re dying. We only got 86, 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say. Gotta live like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying. Oh, like we’re dying. Like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying.”_

_“We only got 86, 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say. Gotta live like we’re dying. You never know a good thing ‘til it’s gone. You never see a crash ‘til it’s head on. Why do we think we’re right when we’re dead wrong? You never know a good think ‘til it’s gone.”_

_“Yeah, we gotta start looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given. This is all we got. Then we gotta start thinking every seconds count on a clock that’s ticking, gotta live like we’re dying. We only got 86, 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say. Gotta live like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying. Oh, like we’re dying. Like we’re dying, oh, like we’re dying. We only got 86, 400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say. Gotta live like we’re dying.”_

 

“Do you think Harry will be okay?” Perrie asked, standing with Zayn by the sound booth. Zayn tucked an arm around his girlfriend, keeping her close. He kissed her head and nodded.

“It’ll take some time, but yes. I think he’ll be okay.”

“It’s just… I’ve never seen anyone love someone more than Harry loved Louis. From what you and Liam have told me, Harry’s whole life is Louis. Now he’s gone. How can you live without your life?” Perrie questioned, her eyes filling with tears. Zayn pulled her even closer, holding her tight. He didn’t say a word, simply because he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say. 

“Zayn?” Liam asked, walking up to them.

“Yeah, mate,” Zayn said, pulling away from Perrie. Wiping his eyes of unshed tears, he looked at his younger friend.

“They’re getting ready to announce you. Did you still want me to help you?”

“Yes, please. You’ll play the guitar, right?” Zayn asked, putting his earpiece in. Liam nodded, taking a deep breath. Hearing Zayn’s name being called, they made their way to the stage.

“I wrote this song with Louis. It was supposed to be on our next album, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I think he’d like it if you heard it. But, I’ve asked Liam to help me with it.” Zayn explained, sitting on a stool. Liam took his place beside him and looked at Zayn, waiting for further instruction.

“I didn’t know Louis for as long as the others did, but it’s not about the length of time you know someone. It’s about how much you learn and care for someone in the time you’re given with that person. I loved Louis like my brother. I watched him build himself up from practically nothing to being… Superman.” Zayn said, choking back a sob. He took a deep breath, not daring to look at the crowd.

“It’s my fault he’s gone. Alex sent a letter to me in Stockholm. He told me that he’d stop at nothing until he got to Louis. I showed Louis the letter. If I hadn’t shown him, he wouldn’t have psyched himself up. Maybe if I had just talked to management myself, and kept quiet, he would have been safe. I’m so sorry, Louis. I know I told you I’d always save you, but I just couldn’t this time. I’m so sorry…” Zayn apologized, gripping his microphone stand. Liam took a deep breath and started playing, fighting tears. Zayn took an unsteady breath and started to sing.

 

_“Have you lost your way, living in the shadow of the messes that you made? And so it goes, everything inside your circle starts to overflow. Take a step before you leap into the colors that you seek. You get back what you give away, so don’t look back on yesterday.”_

_“Wanna scream out ‘No more hiding!’. Don’t be afraid of what’s inside. Wanna tell you you’ll be alright in the aftermath. Anytime anybody pulls you down, anytime anybody says you’re not allowed, just remember you are not alone in the aftermath.”_

_“You feel the weight of lies and contradictions that you live with every day. Well, it’s not too late. Just think of what could be if you rewrite the role you play. Now take a step before you leap into the colors that you seek. You get back what you give away, so don’t look back on yesterday.”_

_“Wanna scream out ‘No more hiding!’. Don’t be afraid of what’s inside. Wanna tell you you’ll be alright in the aftermath. Anytime anybody pulls you down, anytime anybody says you’re not allowed, just remember you are not alone in the aftermath. Oh, in the aftermath.”_

_“Before you break, you have to shed that armor. Take a trip and fall into the glitter. Tell a stranger that they’re beautiful so all you feel is love, love. All you feel is love!”_

_“Wanna scream out ‘No more hiding!’. Don’t be afraid of what’s inside. Wanna tell you you’ll be alright in the aftermath. Anytime anybody pulls you down, anytime anybody says you’re not allowed, just remember you are not alone in the aftermath. Oh, in the aftermath. Oh, you are not alone. You are not alone. Wanna scream out ‘No more hiding!’. Wanna scream out ‘No more hiding!’”_

 

After Zayn’s performance, the boys took a short break. Nick brought Louis’ family out to speak a few words while Harry prepared to make his debut. Since the fateful accident, Harry wasn’t seen by anyone. He never went on Twitter, or Facebook. He hardly answered any calls or text messages. 

To say everyone was anxious for his presence was an understatement. No one knew what to expect from him during the memorial. They were waiting, waiting with bated breath.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Harry Styles.” Nick announced, the crowd holding their breath as they watched the widowed man take the stage. Niall followed behind, carrying a piano bench. Niall helped Harry move the piano, his and Louis’ grand piano, to center stage before taking a seat on the stool. 

Harry sat down on the piano bench, cracking his knuckles. Closing his eyes and taking a breath, Harry started playing. 

 

_“Pictures in my pocket are faded from the washer. I can barely just make out your face. Food you saved for later in our refrigerator. It’s been too long since later never came. I know one day, eventually. Yeah, I know one day I’ll have to let it go. But, I keep it just in case. Yeah, I keep it just in case.”_

_“In case you don’t find what you’re looking for. In case you’re missing what you had before. In case you change your mind, I’ll be waiting here. In case you just want to come home.”_

_“Strong enough to leave you, but weak enough to need you. Cared enough to let you walk away. I took that dirty jacket from the trash right where you left it ‘cause I couldn’t stand to see it go to waste. I know one day, eventually. Yeah, I know one day I’ll have to let it all go. But, I keep it just in case. Yeah, I keep it just in case.”_

_“In case you don’t find what you’re looking for. In case you’re missing what you had before. In case you change your mind, I’ll be waiting here. In case you just want to come home.”_

_“In case you’re looking in that mirror one day and miss my arms, how they wrapped around your waist. I say that you can love me again even if it isn’t the case.”_

_“Oh, you don’t find what you’re looking for. Oh, you’re missing my love! You don’t find what you’re looking for. In case you’re missing what you had before. In case you change your mind, I’ll be waiting here. In case you just want to come home. In case, yeah. Ooh, ooh.”_

~*~

The man watched the television screen as countless people paid tribute to the worthless celebrity. Scoffing, he turned away from the screen as his eyes fell upon someone. He smirked, watching the tears fall hard and fast down the tanned cheeks. He advanced on him and gripped his hair, snapping his head back. 

The boy gasped, a choked cry leaving his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the tears to cease.

“Do you like what you see?” The man questioned, gripping the boy’s hair harder.

“What the f-fuck do you think?” The boy rasped, grunting as he received a backhand to the face.

“How dare you take that tone with me? Like you’re better than me.”

“I am better than you,” The boy challenged, looking his captor straight in the eyes. “Does it make you feel better about yourself? Do you feel like the big man, slapping me around?”

“Oh, but I do. It makes me feel powerful. It’s quite a pleasant feeling, actually. Thank you for asking. Now, let’s get down to business, shall we?” The man inquired, walking behind the boy to untie his hands.

As soon as the boy’s hands were free, he clenched his fists and plummeted them straight into the man’s groin. The man cupped himself, groaning in pain as the captive stood from his chair. Grabbing the chair, the boy slammed it down on top of the man, breaking it into pieces. The man screamed in anger, grappling for the boy. 

The boy tried to make a run for the door of the shack he was currently hidden in, but the man grabbed him by the ankle and yanked him. The boy shrieked, falling to the floor.

“Let Me Go!” The boy shouted, trying to kick his foot free, but to no avail. The man grabbed him by the head, pulling him to his knees. Keeping the boy bent at the knees, the man shoved his head into the hard floor, splitting his forehead open.

The boy howled in pain, seeing stars as he felt the blood run down his face. The boy just barely registered his pants being pulled down; just barely felt the breeze to his naked bum. He forced his eyes open, locking them on the television set as Harry Styles took the stage once again. 

“Harry,” the boy whimpered, digging his nails into the unfurnished wood of the floor. The man slammed into him at that moment, sending searing pain through the boy’s bum and up his spine. As the man continued his assault, the boy kept his eyes on the screen and watched Harry sing.

 

_“Now you are standing right there in front of me. I hold on, it’s getting harder to breathe. All of a sudden, these lights are blinding me. I never noticed how bright they would be. I saw in the corner, there is a photograph. No doubt in my mind it’s a picture of you. It lies there alone in its bed of broken glass. This bed was never made for two. I’ll keep my eyes wide open. I’ll keep my arms wide open.”_

_“Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me; don’t let me go, ‘cause I’m tired of feeling alone. I promised one day that I’d bring you back a star. I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand, oh. Seems like these days I watch you from afar, just trying to make you understand. I’ll keep my eyes wide open, yeah.”_

_“Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me! Don’t let me go!”_

**The boy started to get lightheaded from the loss of blood, but he was determined to stay awake. His knees were getting filled with splinters as the man pushed him further into the wood as he raped him. The boy let out a scream, punching the floor as he got a surge of strength as Harry’s voice filled his ears once again.**

_“Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me go. ‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me, don’t let me; don’t let me go ‘cause I’m tired of feeling alone. Don’t let me; don’t let me go ‘cause I’m tired of sleeping alone.”_

 

The boy clenched around the man, halting his movements. He pushed himself up from the floor and reared his head back, slamming into the man’s nose. After hearing a satisfying crunch, he managed to pull away from the man. He stood on wobbly legs, adjusting his pants. He felt blood seep through his hole, drenching his pants. But, he couldn’t think about that. He wouldn’t. 

He chanced taking a look at the man behind him. He was bent over, blood spilling from his nose. Filled with rage, the boy grabbed his offender by the hair and did the same thing the man did to him. Hearing the wood crack beneath the man’s head, he all but flew to the door. He wrenched it open, the cold night air filling his lungs. 

“Louis! Get back here!” Alex screamed, scrambling to his feet. Louis started to run then, not daring to look back. He heard Alex’s pants and loud stomps behind him, which fueled Louis to run faster through the wooded area. Years of football practice enabled him to weave through the trees, almost as if they were opponents and he was rushing toward a goal.

Alex caught up to him, though. He grabbed Louis by the shirt, and pulled him back into the trees. Louis fell into the dirt with a grunt, Alex looming over him. 

“I should have left you burn in the car. It would have been easier than this,” Alex said, grabbing Louis by the shirt. Louis was yanked to his feet and slammed against the trunk of a tree. “What are you going to do now, Louis? I’ve caught you. You have nowhere to run. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Go to hell.” Louis said, landing a punch to Alex’s stomach. Grabbing Alex by the shoulders to keep himself steady, Louis brought a knee up and successfully kneed Alex in the groin. With that, Louis pushed Alex by the shoulders and away from him, making him fall to the ground. The sound of his shirt tearing filled Louis’ ears as he made another break at freedom. The only question that remained was: would Louis be free from Alex at last?


	5. "And it won't leave me alone..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured: 
> 
> 1\. "DNA" by Little Mix
> 
> 2\. "Broken Wing" by Martina McBride
> 
> 3\. "The Way I Loved You" by Selena Gomez
> 
> 4\. "Bleed" by Hot Chelle Rae
> 
> 5\. "It Will Rain (A Bruno Mars cover)" by Tanner Patrick
> 
> 6\. "Unity" by Shinedown
> 
> 7\. "I Never Told You" by Colbie Caillat

Harry walked off the stage after his performance, breaths leaving his mouth at a heavy pace. He gripped his chest through his shirt, leaning forward. He squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing turned into wheezing.

“Harry?” Liam asked, rushing to his friend’s aid.

“Oh, my God,” Harry wheezed, gripping Liam’s arm.

“Harry, what’s wrong? What hurts?” Liam questioned, holding onto him to keep him from falling over.

“L-Liam… Oh, my God…” Harry said, not able to force the words out.

“Harry, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.” Liam told him, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“He’s alive.” Harry breathed, staring at Liam with wide, crazed eyes.

“W-What?”

“He’s alive, Liam. I can… I can feel it. He’s alive.” 

“Harry… Mate, they found his DNA… If he was alive, we’d have found him by now.”

“Not if Alex is keeping him quiet. Liam, I know I sound crazy. But, I’m serious. I think he’s alive. When I was singing ‘Don’t Let Me Go,’ I felt it. Liam, I know that Louis is alive.” Harry explained, running a hand through his curls. Liam took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Okay. If that’s what you believe, then I support you. Maybe you and I could go back to the crash site and look for any clues that can tell us whether or not he’s still alive.” Liam offered, hugging Harry tight.

~*~

“Let’s welcome to the stage, Little Mix!” Nick announced, letting the crowd clap as the girls walked on stage.

“Harry asked us if we could sing this song, because he can feel Louis running through his veins.” Perrie said, sitting on one of the four stools as the backup band started playing.

 

_“Does he tell you he loves you when you least expect it? Does he flutter your heart when he kisses your neck? No scientist or biology. It’s obvious when he’s holding me. It’s only natural that I’m so affected.”_

_“Oh, and my heart won’t beat again if I can’t feel him in my veins. No need to question, I already know.”_

_“It’s in his DNA. D-D-DNA. It’s in his DNA and he just takes my breath away, b-b-breath away. I feel it everyday and that’s what makes a man not hard to understand. Perfect in every way, I see it in his face. Nothing more to say, it’s in his D-D-D-DNA.”_

_“It’s the blue in his eyes that helps me see the future. Fingerprints that leave me covered for days, yeah-yeah. Now I don’t have any first degree, but I know what he does to me. Don’t need to work it out, it’s so familiar, oh whoa.”_

_“Oh, and my heart won’t beat again if I can’t feel him in my veins. No need to question, I already know.”_

_“It’s in his DNA. D-D-DNA. It’s in his DNA and he just takes my breath away, b-b-breath away. I feel it everyday and that’s what makes a man not hard to understand. Perfect in every way, I see it in his face. Nothing more to say, it’s in his D-D-D-DNA.”_

_“It’s all about his kiss, contaminates my lips. Our energy connects. It’s simple genetics. I’m the X to his Y. It’s the color of his eyes. He can do no wrong, no, he don’t need to try. Made from the best, he passes all the tests. Got my heart beating fast, it’s cardiac arrest. He’s from a different strain that science can’t explain. I guess it’s how he’s made, in his D-D-D-DNA.”_

_“Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh. Whoa, oh-oh! It’s in his DNA. D-D-DNA. It’s in his DNA and he just takes my breath away, b-b-breath away. I feel it everyday and that’s what makes a man not hard to understand. Perfect in every way, I see it in his face. Nothing more to say, it’s in his D-D-D-DNA.”_

~*~

Louis leaned against a tree, trying to catch his breath. The coldness was getting to him, drying the blood on his dirty body. He looked around him, straining to see in the night. He listened intently, listening for any sticks breaking or Alex’s voice. He put a hand to his chest, thinking of Harry.

“I’m coming, baby,” Louis whispered, setting off into the darkness again. The only guide he had was the moonlight, shining an eerie glow through the trees. 

His body ached as he walked, begging him to just lie down and rest. He ignored his body’s protests and kept pushing through the trees, searching for the end of the woods. He pushed through his dizziness, and his hunger. He pushed through the pain, desperate to get to safety.

~*~

“Okay, everyone. There’s a very special guest who would like to pay tribute to Louis. I want everyone to welcome Charlotte Tomlinson.” Nick said, clapping along with the crowd as Lottie took the stage. 

“Thank you for letting me sing my song for my brother today. I know he can hear us, wherever he is. Louis, I love you and I’m glad you got to experience life the way you wanted to. You’re my hero.”

 

_“He loved him like he was the last man on Earth. Gave him everything he ever had. He’d break his spirit down, then come loving up on him. Give a little then take back. He’d tell him about his dreams; he’d just shoot them down. Lord, he loved to make him cry.”_

_“You’re crazy for believing you’ll ever leave the ground. He said only angels know how to fly. And with a broken wing, he still sings. He keeps an eye on the sky. With a broken wing, he carries his dreams. Man, you ought to see him fly.”_

_“One Sunday morning, he didn’t go to church. He wondered why he didn’t leave. He went up to the bedroom, found a note by the window with the curtains blowing in the breeze.”_

_“And with a broken wing, he still sings. He keeps an eye on the sky. With a broken wing, he carries his dreams. Man, you ought to see him fly! With a broken wing, he carries his dreams. Man, you ought to see him fly!”_

~*~

Finally seeing a break in the trees, Louis picked his pace up and started sprinting toward the edge. Tripping on a fallen branch, Louis tumbled to the ground and broke through the trees. Groaning in pain, Louis pushed himself to his knees and looked into the open area.

“The crash site…”

~*~

“Cher Lloyd, everybody!” Nick shouted while gesturing towards the side of the stage Cher entered from. Cher waved to the crowd as she took her place.

“I met Louis and the boys when I was on The X Factor. They were one of my mentors. Louis was always so loud, so obnoxious. But, you could never be mad at him. I found it physically impossible to be angry with Louis for anything. That’s when I knew he was special. He opened up to me one night. He told me his story, and I cried. I kept asking myself, ‘how did this sweet, innocent boy endure that much pain for so long? What did he do to deserve that?’ I couldn’t find an answer, because he didn’t deserve it. He sure as hell didn’t deserve to die. But, he did and I feel like I’ve lost a brother. I feel like I’ve lost part of my family, and I want him back.” Cher shared, wiping her tears away. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and started to sing.

 

_“Everything’s cool, yeah. It’s all gonna be okay, yeah. And I know maybe I’ll even laugh about it someday, but not today, no, ‘cause I don’t feel so good. I’m tangled up inside, my heart is on my sleeve. Tomorrow is a mystery to me.”_

_“And it might be wonderful. It might be magical. It might be everything I’ve waited for, a miracle. Oh, but even if I fall in love again with someone new, it could never be the way I loved you.”_

_“Letting you go is making me feel so cold, yeah. And I’ve been trying to make believe it doesn’t hurt, but that makes it worse, yeah. See, I’m a wreck inside. My tongue is tied and my whole body feels so weak. The future may be all I really need.”_

_“And it might be wonderful, yeah. It might be magical, oh-oh. It might be everything I’ve waited for, a miracle. Oh, but even if I fall in love again with someone new, it could never be the way I loved you. Like a first love, the one and only true love. Wasn’t it written all over my face? Yeah, I loved you like you loved me. Like something pure and holy. Like something that could never be replaced.”_

_“And it was wonderful. It was magical. It was everything I’ve waited for, a miracle. Oh, and if I should ever fall in love again with someone new, oh. It could never be the way, no it will never be the way I loved you.”_

 

Not finding the strength to walk, Louis started crawling to the crash site that was turned into a memorial. A memorial for him because the world thought he was dead. Tears started flowing down his cheeks, mixing with the dried blood. He wanted to scream, but he didn’t know where Alex was. 

“Get up, Louis,” Louis chided, balling his hands into fists. He rested his head on the cool, wet grass no doubt getting dirt into his wound. He breathed in deep and forced himself to his feet. He would make it back to Harry, even if it killed him.

~*~

Olly Murs took the stage next, along with Ed Sheeran. They fist bumped and began playing the guitar.

 

_“I feel like I’m drowning in ice water. My lips have turned a shade of blue. I’m frozen with this fear that you may disappear before I’ve given you the truth.”_

_“I bleed my heart out on this paper for you so you can see what I can’t say. I’m dying here, ‘cause I can’t say what I want to. I bleed my heart out just for you.”_

**Louis slowly made his way to the edge of the road, the crosses and flowers getting bigger. Finally reaching the edge, Louis fell to his knees and let out a tiny sob. He just wanted to sleep, but he had no idea how far away he was from his heart and soul.**

_“I always dreamed about this moment, and now it’s here, and I’ve turned to stone. I stand here petrified as I look in your eyes. My head is ready to explode.”_

_“I bleed my heart out on this paper for you so you can see what I can’t say. I’m dying here, ‘cause I can’t say what I want to. I bleed my heart out just for you.”_

_“And it’s all here in black and white, yeah. For all those times those words were never said. I bleed my heart out on this paper for you so you can see what I can’t say. I’m dying here, ‘cause I can’t say what I want to. I bleed my heart out just for you. I bleed my heart out just for you.”_

**Louis wiped his tears and pushed himself to his feet once more. Deciding it would be the last time he fell to his knees, he crossed the road and left in search for a petrol station.**

~*~

“Ladies and gentlemen, for our last performance of the night, please welcome back Harry Styles.” Nick said, turning to watch Harry take the stage. He had a guitar in his hand. He walked to the microphone stand and took a breath.

“I’m going to perform a few songs. I need to sing these. I need to tell Louis how I feel.” Harry explained, taking another breath.

 

_“If you ever leave me, baby, leave some morphine at my door. ‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication to realize what we used to have, we don’t have it anymore.”_

_“There’s no religion that could save me, no matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh-oh. So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m making to keep you by my side; to keep you from walking out the door.”_

_“‘Cause there’ll be no sunlight if I lose you, baby. There’ll be no clear skies if I lose you, baby. Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same. If you walk away, everyday it’ll rain, rain, rain.”_

_“I’ll never be your mother’s favorite. Daddy can’t even look me in the eye, ooh. If I was in their shoes, I’d be doing the same thing saying ‘there goes my little boy walking with that troublesome guy.’ But, they’re just afraid of something they can’t understand. Little darling, watch me change their minds. Yeah, for you, I’ll try, I’ll try, I’ll try, I’ll try. I’ll pick up these broken pieces ‘till I’m bleeding if that’ll make it right.”_

**Louis trudged his way through London, unseen by anyone. He didn’t want to be found, though. He didn’t want to be found by anyone other than Harry. He forced a hand through his bloody, tangled mess of hair as he made his way through another alley. He heard a shout and he looked around him, eyes wide open.**

**He sighed and rubbed his face, once realizing the shout was in his mind. He knew he was a large enough distance away for Alex to catch him now. But, that still didn’t stop him from worrying.**

_“Don’t just say goodbye. Don’t just say goodbye. I’ll pick up these broken pieces ‘till I’m bleeding if that’ll make it right. There’ll be no sunlight if I lose you, baby. There’ll be no clear skies if I lose you, baby. Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same. If you walk away, everyday it’ll rain, rain, rain.”_

 

Harry brought the boys out to help him with the next song. They moved the piano back into place and Harry sat down. Niall grabbed his guitar and slung it over his shoulder. Liam and Zayn stood near the edge, with the backup microphones.

“Louis, I love you,” Harry stated, playing a few keys to get the notes right. “There are so many things I wish I could have told you, that I wish I would have said. But, I can’t tell you. Not to your face, anyway. But, I will tell you now.”

Harry closed his eyes and melted into the song, the boys following his suit shortly after.

 

_“I found a note with your name and a picture of us. Even though it was framed and covered in dust, it’s the map in my mind that sends me on my way. They say it’s never too late to stop being afraid, and there is no one else here so why should I wait? In the blink of an eye, the past begins to fade.”_

_“So, have you ever been caught in a sea of despair, and your moment of truth is the day you say ‘I’m not scared!’ Put your hands in the air if you hear me out there. I’ve been looking for you day and night. Shine a light in the dark, let me see where you are ‘cause I’m not gonna leave you behind. If I told you you’re not alone, and I show you this is where you belong, put your hands in the air one more time.”_

_“I’ve seen a million miles; met a million faces. Took all I knew to reach all these place, and I’d do it again if it brings me back to you. So, have you ever been caught in a sea of despair, and your moment of truth is the day you say ‘I’m not scared!’”_

_“Put your hands in the air if you hear me out there. I’ve been looking for you day and night. Shine a light in the dark, let me see where you are ‘cause I’m not gonna leave you behind. If I told you you’re not alone, and I show you this is where you belong, put your hands in the air one more time.”_

**Louis saw the lights of London come into his view as he exited another alley. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes briefly as he took a breath. When he opened his eyes, it was as if fate knew what he needed. Staring right at him was the O2 Arena.**

**Letting a smile grace his face for the first time in weeks, he pushed himself off the wall and raced for the place he knew his lover would be.**

_“Put your hands in the air! Put your hands in the air if you hear me out there. I’ve been looking for you day and night. Shine a light in the dark, let me see where you are ‘cause I’m not gonna leave you behind. If I told you you’re not alone, and I show you this is where you belong, put your hands in the air one more time. Put your hands in the air one more time.”_

 

Harry stood up and ran a hand through his curls. He pressed his hand into his chest and took a breath. It was as if he could feel him.

“Louis… Come back to me,” Harry whispered, shaking his head. Liam walked to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked, looking at him.

“Yeah, I just… I can feel him,” Harry confessed, taking another deep breath. He looked at Liam and forced a smile. “Let’s just sing this last song and go. I want to sleep in the house tonight. I want to feel him again.”

“Okay. Good for you, Haz,” Liam said, kissing his head. Harry walked back to the piano. Clearing his throat, he began speaking.

“We had the place set up so the memorial was broadcast to the people outside that didn’t get tickets. So, if you were to walk by, you’d be able to hear us. I wanted it that way, so our voices could carry to wherever my Louis is right now. I really hope he can hear us.”

Niall began playing the guitar to the final song, Harry joining in. Louis walked to the back of the arena where the tour buses were kept. He walked to the fence and leaned against it, his body slumping heavily. As he was about to pass out, Harry’s voice filled his ears. 

 

_“I miss those blue eyes; how you kiss me at night. I miss the way we sleep. Like there’s no sunrise, like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe. But, I never told you what I should have said. But, I never told you, I just held in. And now I miss everything about you. I can’t believe that I still want you and after all the things we’ve been through, I miss everything about you.”_

**Louis gripped the fence and began to climb, not caring about the barbed wire. There were no lights in the back, no security. Nobody saw him moving, getting closer to his love.**

_“I see your blue eyes every time I close mine. You make it hard to see. Where I belong to when I’m not around you, it’s like I’m alone with me. But, I never told you what I could have said. But, I never told you; I just held it in. And now I miss everything about you. I can’t believe that I still want you and after all the things we’ve been through, I miss everything about you.”_

_“I miss everything about you. I can’t believe that I still want you and after all the things we’ve been through, I miss everything about you.”_

Louis got his pants caught in the wire as he took a fall to the ground. Gasping as he felt the air knocked out of him, he rolled onto his stomach and made it back to his knees. He was so close. There was no way he could stop if he tried. He hung his head and closed his eyes, taking slow breaths. Seconds turned to minutes as Louis started fading into unconsciousness.

“You boys did a great thing tonight, paying tribute. Louis would have been proud.” Paul said, his voice carrying through the night. Louis looked up, seeing Paul ushering the boys to one of the buses.

“I feel… I feel better, now that I feel like I’ve properly said goodbye.” Zayn said, holding Perrie’s hand in one of his. He took a drag of the cigarette in the other, letting the smoke bleed into the night air. Paul walked onto the bus to make sure everything was in order, letting the boys have a moment to themselves.

“What’s gonna happen now?” Niall asked, leaning against the front of the bus. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and rested his head on Liam’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, Niall. But, we’ll figure it out. Management can’t rush us with this,” Liam said, looking up at the starry sky. Harry walked up, sighing. 

“Is the bus ready yet?” Harry asked, looking around him.

“Paul is checking now. Are you sure you want to sleep at the house tonight?”

“Yeah. I can handle it now.” Harry promised, looking off into the distance. Movement caught his peripheral vision and his head snapped to where it was. Louis stood on shaky legs, staring at Harry. 

“Is that…?” Harry started, his question fading as he stared hard at the figure in the night. Louis took a step forward, the moonlight casting light over him. Harry’s gasp was loud and carried through the night.

“L-Louis?” Harry asked, taking a few steps forward. Louis’ shoulders slumped, hearing Harry’s voice directed to him.

“Harry…”


	6. "When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears..."

“Louis… Louis!” Harry screamed, running for Louis. Louis raised his arms just as Harry reached him, wrapping them around his neck. Louis simply buried his face in Harry’s neck and breathed. He took in the familiar scent of home, Harry, and most importantly: love. Harry wrapped his arms around his waist and picked him up, spinning him around. The boys’ shouts and hollers could be heard, but only faintly.

Gently setting Louis back down, Harry pulled back but only just. Harry looked at him, taking in his appearance.

“Baby, we need to get you to a hospital…” Harry said, brushing his fingers across his forehead. Louis didn’t care about anything else, just Harry. His legs gave out as he collapsed in Harry’s arms. Harry gently scooped him into his arms and carried him back to the tour bus.

“How did this…?” Zayn asked, trailing off as he stared at Louis.

“I don’t know, but he’s been badly hurt. We need to get him to the hospital.” Harry said, carrying Louis onto the bus.

“Harry, the bus is just about… Oh, my God.” Paul said, eyes widening as he caught sight of the boy in Harry’s arms.

“Drive us to the hospital. Now. He needs to be examined. Please, Paul.” Harry pleaded, holding Louis tighter. Paul nodded and ushered the boys onto the bus. Harry sat on one of the couches, cradling Louis in his lap. He pushed the hair out of Louis’ eyes, inspecting him. He was so pale.

“Baby, can you hear me?” Harry asked, tilting Louis’ chin up. Louis blinked a few times before slowly opening his eyes, focusing on Harry. Louis lifted a frail hand and placed it on his cheek.

“You found me…” Louis whispered, closing his eyes again. His hand dropped from Harry’s face, going limp in his lap.

“No, Louis. I need you to stay awake. I need you to keep talking to me.” Harry ordered, lightly shaking him. Louis let out a groan, his head falling back. There were bruises on his neck.

“Hurts.” Louis responded, keeping his eyes closed. Liam walked up, holding a washrag in his hand.

“Here, maybe this will help. I wetted it with cold water.” Liam said, handing the rag over to Harry. Harry set it aside, shaking his head.

“I can’t wipe anything off. The hospital needs to see him like this.” Harry explained, holding Louis close. He closed his eyes, sending silent prayers and thanks for his lover’s return.

“H-Harry.” Louis whispered, letting his head roll onto Harry’s shoulder.

“We’re almost there, baby. We’re going to get you some help.” Harry promised, kissing his head. They arrived at the hospital a few short moments later. Harry carried Louis in, the boys and Paul trailing behind him. He walked straight to the desk, and stared at the receptionist.

“He needs to be helped, and this stays confidential. If word gets out that he’s alive before he’s healed, I’ll sue.” Harry threatened. The receptionist nodded her head and quickly began filling out the necessary paperwork. She stood up and brought a wheelchair over.

“Here, just put him here and we’ll wheel him back.” 

“There’s no way he’s leaving my arms. I’ll follow you.” Harry said. The receptionist nodded her head and set off toward a room, Harry and the rest following quickly behind her. 

~*~

Harry remained in the room while Louis was examined. The boys and Paul stayed in a waiting room right across from where Louis was located. Liam paced and paced, his fingernails chewed to nothing. Zayn was texting Perrie, biting the skin off his lip all the while.

“Hey, guys,” Harry said, walking out of the room. Everyone rushed to Harry, concerned.

“How is he? Is he okay?” Liam questioned, biting his lip hard.

“Yes. He’s sleeping right now, and he probably will be for a while. He’s exhausted. But, the examination showed that he had been raped quite a few times. They got some DNA from a few of the wounds, and they’re running it now. Other than that, and a few bumps and bruises, he’s mostly dehydrated and exhausted. They’ve got him set up with a few IV’s and a pain drip.”

“What about the wound on his head? Did they say he was concussed or anything?”

“He’s not concussed, but he did have to get a few stitches. There was the one on his forehead, and one on the back of his head. They’ve got him all wrapped up.” Harry said, walking over to one of the chairs. He sank down into it, letting his head fall back against the wall. 

“Before he fell asleep, he told me he fought back.” 

“He did?” Liam asked, sitting next to him. Harry turned his head toward him, nodding. He let a smile grace his face, finally feeling whole again.

“Yeah. My baby fought back. He fought his way back to me.”

~*~

A few days passed before Louis finally woke up. He looked around, momentarily forgetting where he was. His eyes landed on Harry, though, and it all came back to him.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asked, keeping his voice soft. He grabbed one of Louis’ small hands and kissed it, smiling at him.

“I feel a lot better, now that I’m with you. What happened? I mean, after I was taken.” Louis asked, lacing their fingers together. Harry sighed and kissed his hand again.

“Everybody went into a panic. I told our security team that I wasn’t getting on a plane until they found you. Andrew said that when we pulled into the airport, you stepped outside for a cigarette. Then, you were gone. There was a crash on the news. Liam had come in and woke me up to tell me. The news lady said there was DNA from you in the remains of the car. They just assumed you were… Gone.”

“I fought the whole time,” Louis started, laying his head back against the hospital pillows. He blinked a few times, focusing his gaze on Harry. “I watched the memorial.”

“You what?” Harry asked. Louis nodded, taking a few deep breaths.

“Yeah. The shack I was in. It had a TV, and I watched the memorial. I was watching you sing, and tears were just coming down. I was tied to a chair, right in front of the television. As I was watching you, he came around and untied my hands. When he did that, I rammed both of my fists into his balls. Then, I broke the chair over him. He fell to the ground and I tried to make to the door, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me to the ground.” Louis explained, squeezing Harry’s hand. Louis reached a hand up and gently touched the bandage on his forehead.

“He slammed my head into the floor. That’s where this came from. For a minute, I sort of just lay there and took what he was giving me. The pain was excruciating. Then, you started singing ‘Don’t Let Me Go.’ Once he entered me, I kept my eyes on you. You were so beautiful.” Louis said, closing his eyes. He brought Harry’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly.

“Then what happened?” Harry asked, staring at Louis. Tears were built up in his eyes and he wished he could take all of Louis’ pain away. He wished he could have kept him from being kidnapped.

“During the bridge,” Louis began, opening his eyes again. He looked at Harry and wiped his tears away. “I had so many splinters in my knees from being pushed into the floor time and time again. But, that didn’t matter. During the bridge, I remember punching the floor. I tightened around him and he couldn’t move anymore. When he couldn’t move, I reared my body back, hitting him with the back of my head. I broke his nose, so that’s where the wound on the back of my head came from.”

“I’m so proud of you for fighting back, baby.” Harry gushed, beaming at him. Louis smiled slightly and continued the rest of his story as Harry sat vigilantly by his side. 

~*~

A few weeks passed by and Louis healed completely. Their security was heightened once management had learned of Louis’ return. The media and fans were alerted, and a reunion concert was currently being planned. Louis was itching to be back on stage.

“Hey, Louis?” Niall asked, looking at Louis across from the recording studio. Louis looked up from a magazine, turning his attention toward the young Irishman.

“Yeah?”

“What happened to Alex?”

“Well,” Louis started, setting the magazine aside. Louis sat straighter in his seat, smoothing out his jeans. “To be honest, I don’t really know. When I escaped from him, he was somewhere in the woods near the crash site. At the time, I wasn’t really worried about what would happen to him. I was just worried about getting as far away from him as possible.”

“You don’t think he’ll try to get you again, will you?”

“Niall, the only way he could do that now, is if he got plastic surgery and completely changed the way he looks. I think I’m as safe as I’m going to get.”

“Are you scared?” Niall asked, biting his lip. Louis looked at him for a few moments, contemplating whether or not he was scared. Was he? Was he still scared of the man who tried to take his life twice? 

“No, I’m not. I’ll admit I was scared of him. But, now I know that I can fight back. I have a lot to fight for as well.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s myself. But, I also have my career and you boys. I also have to fight for Harry, and as long as I’m fighting for Harry, I’ll never lose.”

~*~

Louis walked into his house, hanging his keys up by the door. He kicked his shoes off and walked into the living room. 

“Hey, baby.” Louis greeted, walking over to Harry. Harry opened his arms and Louis sat on his lap as they relaxed back into the couch.

“How was recording? Did you get a lot done?” Harry asked, bringing his arms around Louis’ waist. Louis nodded and proceeded to tell him about his day. Harry listened, mostly. Harry watched Louis as he talked, smiling softly. He reached a hand up and slowly ran it through Louis’ feathered locks, smiling as Louis visibly relaxed. 

“I’m so glad to be back.” Louis confessed, smiling at Harry. Harry cupped Louis’ cheeks and leaned, kissing him softly. Louis hummed in happiness, wrapping his hands around Harry’s wrists. He returned the kiss, adding more passion as the kiss accelerated. 

Harry slid his hands down Louis’ arms, gripping his waist. Louis shifted to straddle his lap, sliding his hands up to tangle them in Harry’s curls. Harry slowly pulled away from the kiss and began kissing down his jawline, nipping his teeth against the skin lightly. Louis let his head fall back and a small moan slip from his lips. 

They each felt their pants tighten as their erections started to build. Louis squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his grip on Harry’s curls. Harry latched onto Louis’ neck and began sucking his weak spot earnestly, bringing a hickey to the surface.

“Mm, babe,” Louis breathed. He arched back as he felt Harry’s teeth scrape against his neck and began grinding his hips over Harry’s clothed dick in slow, circular motions.

“I’ve missed you,” Harry breathed, licking over the welcomed bruise. Harry slid his hands under Louis’ thighs and stood up, holding his lover up. Louis wrapped his arms and legs around him as he felt himself being carried up the stairs to their bedroom. 

Louis felt his back hit the pillowed mattress and Harry’s presence over him as he pulled at Harry’s clothing. Their clothes were removed quickly after that. 

Harry slowly began kissing down Louis’ chest, flicking his tongue around his hard nipples. He reveled in the delicious noises flowing from Louis’ mouth as he made his way down his torso.

“Oh, fuck…” Louis moaned, arching his back as he felt his dick become surrounded by wet warmth. Harry gently held Louis’ hips down as he began his motions, bobbing his head slowly. Harry swirled his tongue around the head and sucked harder, taking him deeper each time.

Louis’ hands fisted the sheets as he threw his head back into the pillows, arching his back high off the mattress. His neck veins could be seen from miles away as the moans and whines escaped him. Harry picked his pace up and began bobbing his head with a faster rhythm. Louis’ moans increased in volume, keeping sync with Harry’s movements. 

“H-Harry… Harry, w-wait…” Louis breathed, managing to make his voice work. Harry slowly pulled off, a line of spit dribbling down his chin. Harry looked up at him, wondering what went wrong.

“What is it, baby?” Harry asked, his voice raspy and absolutely wrecked from his previous actions. Louis outwardly moaned, relaxing back into the bed.

“I don’t want to finish too quickly. I want to make this last.” Louis said, locking eyes with him. Harry smiled and kissed up his body, lightly biting in places he knew would drive Louis crazy with lust.

“Baby, we have the rest of our lives. We’re going to make this last.” Harry promised, kissing Louis’ lips in a tender kiss. Louis smiled against his boyfriend’s mouth, running his hands along Harry’s bare back. Harry pulled away and leaned over, opening the nightstand drawer. Pulling out a bottle of lube, Harry resumed his position over Louis and smiled down at him.  
“What?” Louis asked, rubbing a hand over his chest.

“Nothing. You’re just… You’re gorgeous.” Harry complimented, smiling in satisfaction at seeing the blush rise to Louis’ cheeks. No more words were needed as they continued their lovemaking. Harry kept up with his tender touches as he gently opened Louis up, making him ready for him. 

Harry wasn’t small, and he knew that. The first time he had ever been with Louis, they realized just how big Harry was. From then on, Harry made sure to always take his time opening Louis up because the thought of hurting his boyfriend in a way he had already been hurt before, scared him. Harry was terrified of hurting Louis during sex. 

 

Time went by and Louis’ moans gradually went up as Harry took his time with him. Before long, the bed began moving and the headboard began hitting the wall as Harry increased his speed. Louis held onto him and moved against him, keeping up with the rhythm that had been set. Harry kissed Louis’ sweaty skin and pulled back slightly. He gripped Louis thighs and gently pushed them back against Louis’ chest, effectively folding him in half. Harry pushed in again and hit that special spot, sending Louis into a frenzy of moans and cries.

“Again, again!” Louis cried, gripping the bedposts as Harry thrust in over and over again, hitting his prostate each and every time. Harry’s thrusts started getting erratic as he neared his pending orgasm, feeling the heat coil in his abdomen. Louis kept moaning at the highest volume his voice would allow.

“Baby!” Harry shouted, his orgasm releasing as he filled Louis up. Louis came a second later, shooting between their chests. Harry slowly and carefully unfolded Louis, pulling out of him. He collapsed beside him and reached a hand to caress Louis’ cheek. Louis turned his head and smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him.

“I love you, Harry.” 

“I love you,” Harry repeated, pulling Louis into his arms. Louis molded himself into Harry’s embrace, falling back where he belonged. They shared one last kiss before letting sleep take them over, wrapped in each other’s love and embrace.


	7. "I held your hand through all of these years..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, but I will probably add more to it once I read the whole story over again. So, always check back for updates and not just a new chapter. 
> 
> Okay, so the songs featured are:
> 
> 1\. "Wake Me Up" by Avcii
> 
> 2\. "Fighter (Glee Caste Version)" by Glee Cast feat. Darren Criss
> 
> 3\. "Let It Go" by Demi Lovato
> 
> 4\. "Better Together" by Ross Lynch
> 
> 5\. "Next to You" by Chris Brown featuring Justin Bieber

“Okay, boys,” Simon greeted, letting the boys into his office. They were all smiles and laughs as they took their seats. Simon smiled as he watched them, glad to have his moneymakers back.

“Uncle Simon, when are we having this reunion concert?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, and why is it a reunion? We didn’t break up,” Louis stated, looking at Simon. Harry reached over and grabbed his hand, kissing it.

“Well, Louis, for a while everyone thought you were dead,” Simon explained, biting his lip. Louis nodded and sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m really sorry. I never should have stepped off the bus alone. I just wanted a smoke.”

“Louis, don’t you dare apologize,” Liam warned, looking at his friend. “You have nothing to apologize for. That jackass did this, not you.”

“Speaking of, have the cops found him yet?” Louis asked, turning his attention to Simon once more. Simon shook his head and sighed, biting his lip. Louis felt a shiver run through his body at Simon’s words, but chose to ignore it. He was done being afraid of Alex Pettyfer. 

“They’re working on it, Louis. I’ve requested daily updates and immediate calls if they find anything new.”

“That’s okay. He can’t hide for long. He’ll slip up. Now, I’m done talking about him. Let’s get back to business, shall we?” Louis directed, thankfully providing a distraction. The rest of the day was spent finishing the final touches of the reunion concert, which was set for a week later at the O2. 

 

“Hey, Lou,” Harry greeted, climbing into the back of the van. Louis looked over and smiled at him, patting the spot next to him. “Ready to get back on stage?”

“I’ve been ready, babe. I can’t wait to sing with you boys again. I feel like it’s been forever.” 

“It’ll be great seeing you on stage with us again. We’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” Harry said, placing a kiss to his cheek. Louis smiled and leaned into it. 

“Why did you have the set list made to be of mostly me?”

“Well,” Harry started, carding a hand through Louis’ hair. “The boys and I wanted you to make your comeback. I know you’ve written some killer songs, Lou. You’ve been holed up in our studio at home. I want the world to hear what you have to say about everything that’s happened.”

“Thank you.” Louis said, placing a soft kiss to his lips. After a few comfortable minutes, the van pulled into the arena’s back parking lot. Louis looked around and was instantly faced with the memory of the last time he was here. He gripped Harry’s arm, digging his blunt nails into his skin as the memory came back full force. 

“Hey, baby. Louis, come back to me.” Harry said, running a hand through Louis’ hair. Louis took a few stuttering breaths and slowly released Harry’s arm. He blinked a few times before turning to Harry, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m sorry. It just… It all came back to me.”

“It’s okay. You’re safe. Security has been heightened and there are cameras everywhere. Nobody is ever going to hurt you again.” Harry promised, kissing Louis’ head. Not a second later, the back door slid open and the boyfriends were met with screaming fans along the fence lines. Louis stepped out into the sunlight, a radiant smile gracing his face. He waved to all the fans and their screams only progressed. Harry stepped out, putting an arm around Louis’ shoulders, and waved to the fans as well.

Louis looked up at Harry, squinting slightly, and smiled more. Harry caught his eye and smiled his dimple smile. Louis wrapped an arm around Harry’s waist and pulled him closer, feeling the warmth radiate from his body. Harry leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Louis’ lips, sending the fans into another crazed frenzy. Louis laughed as he kissed his lover back, content with being in his arms.

Waving their last goodbyes, the boys were ushered into the renowned arena to get ready for their comeback. After Louis was finished with hair and makeup, he snuck away to find Paul. 

“Paul, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, Lou. Is something wrong?”

“No, no. Everything’s fine. I was just wondering if you’d heard anything,” Louis said, looking up at Paul with hope in his eyes. Paul bit his lip and looked around, making sure they weren’t being overheard.

“The police said they searched that shack he had you in. There was evidence that he had been there recently, but that’s all they could tell me. They’ll catch him. I have faith.” Paul said, patting Louis’ back reassuringly. Louis nodded and thanked him, making his way to wardrobe. Shaking Alex from his thoughts, he finished getting ready to join his family on stage.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great honor and pleasure to introduce to you, One Direction!” Nick shouted, clapping with the rest of the audience. The crowd was deafening as the lads made their way into the spotlight. They hadn’t even started singing, and the crowd was already this wild. Louis couldn’t stop from tearing up as he waved and blew kisses. They shared a group hug and a private moment before breaking into song and dance.

They were having the time of their lives. They were singing old songs, answering Twitter questions, and simply acting like they were teenagers. Harry and Louis caught each other’s eyes on multiple occasions and shared a special smile; the smile that only the two of them knew and understood. 

“I just want to thank everyone for being here tonight. It means so much to me, and the boys, that you have stood by us through the hard times.” Louis gushed, grabbing his guitar from Niall.

“I didn’t think I’d ever be able to play again, and now that I’m here, I’d like to play something for you. My… My near-death experience has humbled me more than I could ever have thought. I was so scared, but thinking about everything the boys and I have achieved since we became One Direction made me invincible. I’m not going to lie. I went through so much pain, and there were times that it was so unbearable that I thought I was going to die. But, I fought. I fought and fought until I was free, and it’s all because of you.” 

Louis started playing, the band joining in shortly after. Harry started clapping to get the crowd clapping along with the beat. Niall joined Louis and started playing his guitar as well.

_“Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart. I can’t tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start. They tell me I’m too young to understand. They say I’m caught up in a dream. Well, life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes, well, that’s fine by me.”_

_“So wake me up when it’s all over when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost. So wake me up when it’s all over when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost.”_

**Harry, Liam, and Zayn started jumping up and down in synch, leading the crowd to do the same. Louis smiled at them as he continued to play, feeling his heart swell for his amazing friends.**

_“I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have two hands. Hope I get the chance to travel the world, but I don’t have any plans. Wish that I could stay forever this young, not afraid to close my eyes. Life’s a game made for everyone, and love is the prize.”_

_“So wake me up when it’s all over when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost. So wake me up when it’s all over when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn’t know I was lost.”_

_“I didn’t know I was lost. I didn’t know I was lost. I didn’t know I was lost. I didn’t know!”_

During the music bridge, Louis joined in with the rest of the boys and jumped with them, getting the crowd even wilder than they already were. Somewhere beyond the realms of the high of being on stage, there was a man. There was a man, and he was watching. He was always watching.

As if Louis sensed it, he instructed the band into the next song. A camera was hovering above the crowd, directed at Louis where he was standing center stage. Louis looked into the camera, something taking over him.

“Alex, I know you’re watching. This is for you.” Louis said, never taking his eyes off the camera. 

 

_“After all you put me through, you think I’d despise you. But, in the end, I wanna thank you ‘cause you made me that much stronger.”_

_“Well, I thought I knew you, thinking that you were true. Guess I, I couldn’t trust. Called your bluff, time is up ‘cause I’ve had enough. You were there by my side, always down for the ride. But, your joy ride just came down in flames ‘cause your greed sold me out in shame.”_

_“After all of the stealing and cheating, you probably think that I hold resentment for you. But, uh-uh, oh no. You’re wrong. ‘Cause if it wasn’t for that you tried to do, I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through. So I wanna say thank you.”_

_“’Cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter.”_

**Louis walked along the edge of the stage, the camera quickly following him. Louis gripped his microphone tight, knowing Alex was watching him.**

_“Never saw it coming; all of your backstabbing, just so you could cash in on a good thing before I’d realize your game. I heard you’re going ‘round playing the victim now, but don’t even begin feeling I’m the one to blame. ‘Cause you dug your own grave.”_

_“After all of the fights and the lies ‘cause you wanted to haunt me, but that won’t work anymore. No more, it’s over. ‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture, I wouldn’t know how to be this way now and never back down. So I wanna say thank you.”_

_“’Cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter.”_

_“How could this man I thought I knew turn out to be unjust, so cruel? Could only see the good in you, pretended not to see the truth. You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself through living in denial. But, in the end, you’ll see you won’t stop me!”_

_“I am a fighter and I ain’t gonna stop. There is no turning back, I’ve had enough. Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter. Made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter, so thanks for making me a fighter.”_

 

“I’ve got people, undercover police officers, looking for Alex. They will find him. And when they do, I want to physically see him be put behind bars. I want to look him in those evil eyes. I want to tell him that he didn’t win. I want to tell him that he can’t stop me. Then, I want to let it go and move on.”

 

_“Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go. Let it go. Turn my back and slam the door. The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the king. The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside. Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I’ve tried.”_

_“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Be the good boy you always have to be. Conceal; don’t feel. Don’t let them know. Well, now they know. Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go. Let it go. Turn my back and slam the door. ‘Cause here I am, and here I’ll stay. Let it go. Let it go. The cold never bothered me anyway.”_

_“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all. Up here in the cold, thin air, I finally can breathe. I know I left a life behind, but I’m too relieved to grieve. Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go. Let it go. Turn my back and slam the door. And here I stand, and here I’ll stay. Let it go. Let it go. The cold never bothered me anyway.”_

_“Standing frozen in the life I’ve chosen. You won’t find me; the past is all behind me buried in the snow. Let it go. Let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go. Let it go. Turn my back and slam the door. And here I stand, and here I’ll stay. Let it go. Let it go. The cold never bothered me anyway!”_

 

The crowd watched as Louis belted his heart out, frozen where they stood. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off of him as a newfound confidence filled Louis’ heart and soul, giving him the strength to sing to Alex, to prove to him he isn’t weak or scared.

 

“Hey, Harry?” Louis asked, walking up to him during an intermission. Harry pulled his shirt on for the next outfit change, his head poking through the neck hole. Louis chuckled softly, rearranging Harry’s curls to their perfect messiness.

“Is something wrong?” Harry asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. Louis smiled, smoothing them out before placing a soft kiss to his nose.

“Of course not. Everything is perfect. I just wanted you to sing the next song with me. It’s about us, and I think it would be better if we sang it together.”

“I’d love to. Let’s go now.” Harry instructed, grabbing Louis’ hand and pulling him toward the stage. Louis walked to the piano and sat down, spreading the sheet music out. Harry sat beside him, smiling at the words.

“I see what you did now.” Harry said, reading the name of the song.

“I was wondering when you were going to catch onto that,” Louis said, kissing his cheek. A collective round of coos sounded in the audience. Louis smiled and pointed to a part of the song. “Start there, okay?”

 

_“Ah, ooh, ooh, oh. Ah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Sometimes, I get in my own way. I need someone to say ‘hey, what are you thinking?’ Your words, they’re always just in time, just like a perfect rhyme. Like you’re not even trying. Like pieces of a puzzle, without each other, we’re in trouble, trouble.”_

_“Hey, I will always stay by your side forever ‘cause we’re better together. Hey, there’s no other way. We’ll make it through whatever ‘cause we’re better together. Ah, ooh, ooh, oh. Ah, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.”_

_“Remind me when I’m losing touch, when I’m a little much. Pull me back to reality. You keep my feet on the ground ‘cause when you’re not around, I feel I am floating. Like pieces of a puzzle, without each other, we’re in trouble, trouble.”_

_“Hey, I will always stay by your side forever ‘cause we’re better together. Hey, there’s no other way. We’ll make it through whatever ‘cause we’re better together. Like the waves need the sand to crash on. Like the sun needs the world to shine on. You’re the bright side to every day. Me without you just isn’t the same.”_

_“It’s not the same. Better, we’re better. Oh, oh. We’re better together. Hey, I will always stay by your side forever ‘cause we’re better together. Hey, there’s no other way. We’ll make it through whatever ‘cause we’re better together. Hey, I will always stay. I will always stay by your side forever ‘cause we’re better together. Hey, there’s no other way. We’ll make it through whatever ‘cause we’re better together.”_

 

Harry stood from the piano and grabbed Louis’ hands, pulling him to his feet. Harry walked backward towards center stage, leading Louis as the band started to play. Niall walked to them, handing each of them their microphones then proceeded to play guitar. Harry kept his hand interlocked with Louis’ and started to sing, not taking his eyes off of him.

 

_“You’ve got that smile that only heaven can make. I pray to God everyday that you keep that smile.”_

_“Yeah, you are my dream. There’s not a thing I won’t do. I’ll give my life up for you ‘cause you are my dream.”_

_“And, baby, everything that I have is yours. You will never go cold or hungry. I’ll be there when you’re insecure, let you know that you’re always lovely. Boy, ‘cause you are the only thing that I got right now.”_

_“One day when the sky is falling, I’ll be standing right next to you, right next to you. Nothing will ever come between us ‘cause I’ll be standing right next to you. Right next to you.”_

_“You have my child. You would make my life complete, just to have your eyes on a little me. That’d be mine forever. And, baby, everything that I have is yours. You will never go cold or hungry. I’ll be there when you’re insecure, let you know that you’re always lovely. Boy, ‘cause you are the only thing that I got right now.”_

_“One day when the sky is falling, I’ll be standing right next to you, right next to you. Nothing will ever come between us. I’ll be standing right next to you. Right next to you.”_

_“We’re made for one another, me and you. And I have no fear. I know we’ll make it through. One day when the sky is falling, I’ll be standing right next to you.”_

**Harry and Louis let the music continue to play as they slowly danced within each other’s arms. Harry slowly stopped and slid his microphone in his pocket before taking Louis’ face in his hands. Louis was frozen, eyes locked on Harry’s. Harry kissed him softly and held his gaze.**

_“You’ve got that smile that only heaven can make…”_

_“I pray to God everyday…”_

_“To keep you forever.”_


	8. "But you still have all of me..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Feels overload in this chapter. I hope you like it. Also, I've edited and updated chapter 7, so go read that before you read this.
> 
> Songs featured:
> 
> 1\. "Nightingale" by Demi Lovato
> 
> 2\. "Taking Chances" by Glee Cast
> 
> 3\. "Let Me Love You (Until You Learn to Love Yourself" by Glee Cast
> 
> 4\. "Marry Me" by Jason Derulo

Months went by and soon, Louis and Harry were preparing for their ten-year anniversary. Ten years. Liam, Niall, and Zayn all had something planned for their anniversary party they insisted on having. Harry maxed out two credit cards to get his present for Louis, and Louis… Well, Louis didn’t have anything for Harry.

Ten years is a long time to be with someone, especially during the generation they were currently living in. They knew they were committed to each other. They weren’t worried about falling out of love, or cheating on one another because they only had eyes for each other. Girls threw themselves at the boys, but they never blinked an eye. They never even turned their heads.

Louis kept writing songs, figuring he could throw a private concert for Harry. Harry’s always said that his favorite thing about Louis was his voice. However, when a letter came in the mail telling Harry two of his cards were maxed out, Louis knew just singing to him wouldn’t work. 

“Liam, I need your help.” Louis said as soon as Liam answered the phone call.

“Let me guess,” Liam started, walking away from the boys for privacy. “You can’t think of anything to get Harry.”

“Exactly. I know you know what he’s getting me. I’m not stupid. I have a few songs written for him, but other than that, I don’t know. I could probably get him one of those hipster rings he likes so much…”

“No. Do not get him a ‘hipster’ ring. He can get those himself. You need to get him something special.”

“What can I get him that I haven’t already? We have matching tattoos for crying out loud. It doesn’t get any more special than that, Liam.”

“Hey, you called me. Don’t start getting sassy.”

“Fine,” Louis sighed, running a hand through his unkempt hair. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressing a lot about this. Ten years, Liam. Harry and I have been in a committed relationship for ten years. It’s a big deal.”

“That’s your problem. You’re stressing too much. Calm down and the perfect gift will just fall into your lap.”

~*~

“Happy anniversary,” Harry whispered a few mornings later, kissing down Louis’ chest. Louis stirred awake, running a hand through his curls. Louis blinked his eyes open and looked down at Harry, a smile slowly creeping its way onto his face.

“Happy anniversary, baby.” Louis said, pulling Harry to him. They kissed slowly, holding each other in their arms. Harry slowly rolled onto his back, pulling Louis on top of him. Louis slowly pulled away from the kiss and began kissing down Harry’s jawline, placing soft love bites. Harry’s mewls stayed quiet, not wanting to break their tender moment. 

Louis spread Harry’s bare legs and kneeled between them. He ran his hands down his toned torso, lightly scratching his fingernails across Harry’s abs. Louis felt Harry tense beneath his fingers, soft whimpers releasing from his plump, pink lips. 

Louis took his time opening Harry up; it wasn’t often that they switched roles. Louis gently rolled Harry onto his stomach, spreading his cheeks. Louis leaned down and licked along his puckered hole. Harry gasped for air, feeling his abdomen constrict with the sudden pleasure. Louis continued his kitten licks until Harry couldn’t take it anymore.

“B-Baby… Please,” Harry breathed, gripping the sheets. Louis slowly pulled away, licking his lips as he went. He squeezed Harry’s hip gently, silently telling Harry to get into position. Harry brought his knees up and arched his back, his cute little bum sticking up. Louis ran his hands across his back, feeling the small beads of sweat that had already formed.

Louis leaned down, pressing a kiss into one of the dimples at the bottom of his spine before positioning himself. Louis grabbed the bottle of lube and poured some into his hand. He gripped his hard member, pumping it as he lathered himself in more than enough lube. Harry pushed back, feeling the head press against his rim.

Louis gripped his hip, stopping his movements as he began breaching the rim and entering him. Harry sighed in pleasure, laying his cheek against the pillow. Curls fell into his eyes, but he could care less. Feeling Louis inside him was as close to heaven as he could without dying. 

Minutes went by and the sun began to rise, shining through the sheer curtains that hung on their windows. The sun streaked across Harry’s sweaty back, making his skin shimmer and glow. Louis gripped his hips and began to pick his pace up, thrusting shallowly. The air was knocked out of Harry with each thrust, the blunt force against his prostate constant and desired.

“Oh, my… Louis…” Harry moaned, arching his back more. He stayed still, letting Louis do all the work. If Harry moved, Louis would get sloppy and Harry loved the rhythm Louis had set. Louis threw his head back, jaw dropping as he felt Harry constrict and tighten around him. 

“Fuck!” Louis shouted, slamming his hips into Harry’s cheeks. Harry gasped loud, spurting across their satin sheets. Louis pulled out almost all the way and thrust back in, driving his dick into Harry’s prostate with long, hard thrusts. Louis picked his pace up more, chasing his orgasm. Harry began jerking himself quickly, chasing his second one. The second was always mind-blowing to him. Harry went to that special place, and it took hours before he came back to reality. 

“H-Harder, babe…” Harry pleaded, slamming his ass back into Louis’ hips. Louis whined, beginning to lose control. He thrusted harder, his mind going foggy. Harry’s moans were only faintly heard as they simultaneously came, both entering into subspace. 

 

“Sit down.” Louis instructed, pointing to the couch before taking his seat at the piano. Harry sat down in one of Louis’ bigger shirts, pulling his knees to his chest. He rested his chin on knees, smiling lazily at Louis. His mind was still a little foggy from the morning sex.

“How many songs did you write for me?” Harry asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Not too many. I didn’t want to take away from your actual present.”

“I can’t wait to see it, babe.” Harry said, relaxing back into the couch. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Sing for me.”

Louis straightened his posture and placed his delicate fingers on the keys. He closed his eyes and began playing, the lyrics flowing through his brain waves.

 

_“I can’t sleep tonight, wide awake and so confused. Everything’s in line, but I am bruised. I need a voice to echo. I need a light to take me home. I kinda need a hero, is it you?”_

_“I never see the forest for the trees. I could really use your melody. Baby, I’m a little blind. I think it’s time for you to find me. Can you be my nightingale? Sing to me, I know you’re there. You could be my sanity. Bring me peace. Sing me to sleep. Say you’ll be my nightingale.”_

_“Somebody speak to me ‘cause I’m feeling like hell. I need you to answer me; I’m overwhelmed. I need a voice to echo. I need a light to take me home. I need a star to follow. I don’t know.”_

_“I never see the forest for the trees. I could really use your melody. Baby, I’m a little blind. I think it’s time for you to find me. Can you be my nightingale? Sing to me, I know you’re there. You could be my sanity. Bring me peace. Sing me to sleep. Say you’ll be my nightingale.”_

_“I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your words are like a whisper cutting through. As long as you are with me here tonight, I’m good. Can you be my nightingale? Feels so close, I know you’re there. Oh, nightingale. Sing to me, I know you’re there. ‘Cause baby, you’re my sanity. You bring me peace. Sing me to sleep. Say you’ll be my nightingale. Oh…”_

 

Louis took his fingers off the keys and turned to Harry. Harry was staring at him with a look that has been saved specifically for Louis. That was his look. Louis knew Harry loved the song.

“So,” Louis started. “Happy anniversary, nightingale.” Harry let out a soft chuckle, blowing him a kiss. He sat up, shaking his curls out. He rested his chin on his hand and continued staring.

“Sing another one. I know you’ve got more.”

“Okay,” Louis said, standing up. He walked over and grabbed his guitar before sitting in front of Harry, sitting on the coffee table. “When I left Alex and started staying with Liam, I wrote a lot. I went to University’s music hall and played them. That’s where I met Emma. Anyway, this song is one that I wrote right after I met you. Listen carefully, okay?”

“Okay. I’m ready.” Harry said. Louis smiled and pecked his lips. He looked down at the guitar and started playing. As he started singing, he looked up and stared into Harry’s eyes.

 

_“Don’t know much about your life. Don’t know much about your world, but don’t wanna be alone tonight on this planet they call ‘Earth.’ You don’t know about my past and I don’t have a future figured out, and maybe this is going too fast. Maybe it’s not meant to last…”_

_“But what do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or hand to hold, or hell to pay… What do you say? What do you say?”_

_“I just wanna start again. Maybe you could show me how to try. Maybe you could take me in somewhere underneath your skin! What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or hand to hold, or hell to pay… What do you say? What do you say?”_

_“And I’ve had my heart beaten down, but I always come back for more. There’s nothing like love to pull you up when you’re lying there on the floor. So, c’mon talk to me, talk to me like lovers do. Yeah, walk with me; walk with me like lovers do. Like lovers do.”_

_“What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or hand to hold, or hell to pay… What do you say? What do you say? Don’t know much about your life. Don’t know much about your world.”_

~*~

The day went by with Harry and Louis spending it locked inside their loving home, wrapped hopelessly around each other. Friends and family called and wished them a happy anniversary, leaving never-ending smiles on their faces. 

As dusk started to approach, the boyfriends started getting ready for their anniversary party Liam, Niall, and Zayn planned for them. Harry had demanded getting ready in opposite sides of the house, for their outfits to be a surprise. 

As Harry smoothed down his suit jacket, he took a deep breath and stared at his reflection. Making sure his present was tucked away deep inside his pocket, he made his way into the living room. He checked his watch, knowing Louis would just be getting dressed. Then, he grabbed his keys and wallet and snuck out the door, locking it behind him.

Louis styled his hair the way Harry likes it most: in a messy quiff. He trimmed his beard, leaving a little scruff. As he finished up, the doorbell rang. 

“Who could possibly be here?” Louis asked himself, slipping his shoes on and making his way down the hall. As he neared the door, the bell rang again and was followed by a few knocks.

“Alright, alright. I’m coming!” Louis shouted, unlocking the door and flinging it open. On the front stoop stood Harry, holding a plush teddy bear in front of his face. The bear’s arms were sewn together and there was a single rose placed in them. 

“Happy anniversary, Louis.” Harry said, handing the bear to him. Louis held the bear in his arms and smelled the sweet scent of his favorite flower. He couldn’t believe he had been blessed with such an angel for a boyfriend. 

“So, this is why you wanted to get ready in separate rooms. You snuck out, didn’t you?” Louis questioned, looking up at him with a twinkle in his eyes. Harry smiled very innocently and kissed him lightly. He then stepped aside and held his hand out, revealing a limo.

“Your chariot awaits, m’lady.” 

“You did not just refer to me as the woman.”

“Well, you do bottom a lot, Lou.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m a girl, you twat!” Louis squawked, punching Harry in the chest. Harry laughed and led Louis to the limo, the driver getting out and opening the door.

“Did the lads plan this, too?”

“No. I did. Knowing the boys, there’s bound to be plenty of alcohol. I don’t want to have to worry about driving home. Plus, it’s our ten-year, Lou. I wanted tonight to be one you’ll never forget.” Harry confessed, sliding in next to Louis. Louis turned to him and hugged him, burying his face in his neck and smelling the distinct scent of Harry.

“I’m not going to forget this night, Haz. It’s impossible.”

“Well, I’m going to make sure of it.” Harry promised, settling back as the limo took off.

“Babe, I have your present. I want to give it to you now. Is that okay?” Louis asked, getting on his knees in front of Harry. Harry smirked a little, eyeing his position. Louis shook his head, pulling a box out of his pocket. Harry sat straight, his green eyes getting wide.

“Lou…” Harry started. Louis kissed him softly, silencing him. He slowly pulled away and opened the velvet box; a silver chain necklace was inside, an anchor pendant attached to it.

“See the anchor? Look at what’s wrapped around it.” Louis said, smiling at him. Harry leaned forward, taking a closer look at the necklace.

“It’s a rope.”

“Just like our tattoos. You’re my anchor, Harry.”

“And I’m tied to you.”

~*~

“Thank you for coming, everyone. It means a lot to Lou and I that you’ve come to help us celebrate this milestone in our lives.” Harry said, standing up and looking around the room. The boys had rented out a hotel ballroom for the evening, as well as two floors with available rooms for people who choose not to drive home.

“I’d like to take this time to give Louis my present. Louis, will you join me on the dance floor?” Harry asked, holding his hand out for Louis to take. Louis smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling himself to his feet. Harry led Louis to the middle of the dance floor, a spotlight shining over the two of them.

“You sang me two of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard today. They filled me with so much love, and I didn’t know that was still possible. But, I’ve brought some songs, too. I’d like to sing them to you.” Harry said, smiling at Louis. Louis nodded and touched his cheek.

“Sing to me, nightingale.”

Harry grabbed his hands and held them tight. He raised them to his lips and kissed them, smiling. Louis kept his eyes on Harry’s, a small blush painting his cheeks. Liam sat at a piano at the edge of the dance floor and began playing, his eyes locked onto the two lovers.

 

_“Much as you blame yourself, you can’t be blamed for the way that you feel. I know an example of a love that was even remotely real. How can you understand something that you never had? If you let me, I can help you out with all of that.”_

_“Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Let me love you. I know you’re troubled. Don’t be afraid. Oh, I can help. Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Let me love you. A heart of numbness gets brought to life. I’ll take you there.”_

**Harry dipped Louis back, kissing him softly. He pulled him back up before wrapping an arm securely around his waist. He placed Louis’ hand on his shoulder and began to gracefully waltz them across the floor, all the while singing.**

_“I can see the pain behind your eyes. It’s been there for quite a while. I just want to be the one to remind you what it is to smile. I would like to show you what true love can really do.”_

_“Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Let me love you. I know you’re troubled. Don’t be afraid. Oh, I can help. Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Let me love you. A heart of numbness gets brought to life. I’ll take you there.”_

**Harry took Louis into his arms and started dancing faster to match the beat of the music, spinning him around the dance floor. Louis was mesmerized by Harry’s song to him. Tears welled in his eyes as Harry flitted them around the floor. Seconds passed, and Harry slowed them to a stop. He stood straight and took Louis’ face into his hands and kissed him softly.**

_“Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. Let me love you. I know you’re troubled. Don’t be afraid. Oh, I can help.”_

 

Their friends and family cheered as Louis flung himself into Harry’s arms, hugging him tight. Harry kissed his cheek softly and slowly pulled away. He stroked Louis’ cheek and gave him a small kiss. 

 

_“A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head when I think of all the years I wanna be with you. Wake up every morning with you in my bed, that’s precisely what I plan to do.”_

_“And you know one of these days when I get my money right, buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life. We’ll forever be in love, so there ain’t no need to rush. But one day, I won’t be able to ask you loud enough.”_

_“I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ I swear that I will mean it. I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ Singing whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whoa-oh. Oh, yeah. How many guys in the world can make me feel like this? Baby, I don’t ever plan to find out. The more I look, the more I find the reasons why you’re the love of my life.”_

_“You know one of these days when I get my money right, buy you everything and show you all the finer things in life. We’ll forever be in love, so there ain’t no need to rush. But one day, I won’t be able to ask you loud enough.”_

_“I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ I swear that I will mean it. I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ And if I lost everything, in my heart, it means nothing ‘cause I have you. Boy, I have you. To get right down on a bended knee, nothing else ever would be better, better. The day when I…”_

_“Say ‘Will you marry me?’ I swear that I will mean it. I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ I swear that I will mean it. I’ll say ‘Will you marry me?’ Got me singing…”_

**Harry released one of Louis’ hands and slowly lowered himself onto one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. He looked up at Louis, noticing the tears in his eyes, and opened the box. Inside was a diamond band: A white gold diamond band.**

_“A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head when I think of all the years I wanna be with you. Wake up every morning with you in my bed, that’s precisely what I plan to do.”_

 

“Louis William Tomlinson, we have been together for ten years. Ten amazing, loving years. You are my reason for living. You are, in literal sense, everything that I am. Our love… It’s friendship on fire. 

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. 

“When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

“There is never any pressure, jealously, or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

“Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

“You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. 

“You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” Harry expressed, taking the ring out of the box. Louis gasped, covering his mouth with his shaking hands.

“Louis William Tomlinson, will you make me the happiest man in this world? Will you accept my promise to love you until we take our last breaths? Will you marry me?”


	9. "There's just too much that time cannot erase..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part of the chapter that is bold and italicized is a flashback.

It was no surprise that Louis accepted Harry’s proposal. How could he not? Harry was the love of Louis’ life. There’s not a single force in the world that could have made Louis reject him. But, that doesn’t mean there’s not a force that won’t try.

The next few months went by in a blur. Wedding plans, tour rehearsals, and everything else that was band related kept the boys very busy. Niall elected himself the ring bearer and Harry and Louis had to decide which of the boys they wanted as their best men. 

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? Who gets who?” Louis asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Harry and Louis were in their living room, wedding magazines scattered across the coffee table. They each had their laptop, several different tabs with various wedding websites opened.

“I guess not. Why don’t you go with Liam, though? You’ve been best friends since high school.” Harry said, folding a page of a magazine to mark it for later planning.

“So, Niall will bear the rings, Liam will be my best man, and Zayn will be yours?” Louis asked, looking up at Harry where he was sat on the couch.

“Sounds good to me.” Harry agreed, leaning forward to give a kiss to Louis’ head. Louis smiled and continued looking through the magazines.

“‘Better than words. You drive me crazy. Someone like you, always be my baby,’” Louis sang softly, circling certain decorations in a magazine.

“What was that?” Harry asked, setting his magazine aside. He leaned forward, looking down at Louis.

“Oh. It was just something I’ve been working on.”

“It’s really good, Lou. We should put it on the next album.”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely. It’s amazing.” Harry complimented, smiling at him. They continued with their planning throughout the day and by the end, the only thing they were certain of was the venue. 

^^^

“The O2? You’re getting married at the O2?” Liam questioned, raising an eyebrow. Louis smiled and nodded. They were currently in the studio, trying to write. Liam had complained to Louis that they hadn’t spent any quality time together, so Louis not-so-reluctantly left Harry to the wedding planning to do what he does best: write songs about his beloved. “But, why?”

“Well, Haz and I were talking and the O2 holds so many memories for us. I mean, I fought my way to him, to all of you, and I walked from that crash site to the O2.” Louis explained, memories surfacing in his mind.

“But, there are so many seats, Lou. How do you expect to fill them all?” 

“Well,” Louis started. He picked up his and Harry’s wedding binder and hugged it to his chest. “It was Harry’s idea, really, but we’ve decided that along with our family and friends, some of the fans should be allowed to attend as well. We’ll have the wedding and reception there, and after, we have a smaller reception at Whiskey Kiss.”

“Whiskey… Lou, really?” Liam asked, his eyes lighting up at the mention of his beloved bar.

“Yeah. You still own it, don’t you?”

“Of course. Ruth is running it right now and when we decide to stop making music, I’ll go back to it. I’m assuming you will, too?”

“I’m sure Harry and I both will. Assuming that we haven’t started a family yet.”

“A family? When did you start wanting kids?” Liam asked, fiddling with his pen. There were blank pages of sheet music scattered about the recording booth. Louis picked one up and scribbled a title at the top and looked at Liam, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“I’ve always wanted kids, Li. I just couldn’t have them with Alex. Look at what he put me through. Imagine what he would have done to a child.” 

“Yeah, that’s true. Well, I’m glad you’re away from him. Harry is perfect for you.” Liam said, smiling at Louis. Louis’ cheeks were tinted pink from Liam’s comment. They were interrupted by Louis’ phone ringing, vibrating across the table. Louis picked it up, Paul’s name flashing across the screen. Biting his lip, Louis hastily answered it.

“Hello?”

“Louis.” Paul said, his voice laced with anger. Louis stood up and started pacing, worry coursing through his veins.

“Paul?”

“We got him.” Paul announced. Louis’ face paled and seconds later, he hit the floor with a thud.

“Louis!” Liam shouted, rushing to his side. He picked Louis’ head off the floor and placed it in his lap. He picked Louis’ phone up and held it to his ear.

“Paul? What the hell did you just tell him?”

“We found Alex. He’s been taken into custody. Why? What happened?”

“He’s just fainted!” Liam shouted. He shook Louis’ body, trying to wake him. Liam frantically looked around the studio for anything that could help him. He gently placed Louis’ head back on the floor to fetch a bottle of water. Liam took his shirt off and soaked it in the cold water. He hurried back over to Louis and started to wipe his face with the cold water. Moments later, Louis began to stir.

“Li?” Louis groggily asked, slowly blinking his eyes open. His vision was unfocused as he fully came back from consciousness. Liam explained their situation and when he was done, Louis let out a soft chuckle.

“I can’t believe I fainted because of that.” Louis said, getting to his feet. He brushed off his pants and thrust himself back into writing, refusing to let himself think about that spawn of Satan.

^^^

“Okay,” Simon started, sitting down at his desk. He ran a hand over his face, the stress taking over his features. “Alex has been incarcerated.”

“Good. That fucker deserves it.” Harry said, putting an arm around Louis protectively. 

“Harry, language. Please,” Simon sighed, pulling a file up on his computer. “I’ve spoken with a lawyer, and the prosecuting attorney has requested to speak with you, Louis. They need your statement.”

“But, I gave a statement at the hospital.”

“I know. But, you were also in a very fragile state. The prosecution team wants to make sure that your story is the same as it was in the hospital. If we make them go with your original statement, Alex’s lawyer can argue that you weren’t in your right mind and he could be released on lack of evidence.”

“Fine,” Louis sighed, running a hand through his hair. He looked away from his boss and stared out of the window. The skies were cloudy gray and lightning could be seen from a distance. Harry tried to talk to Louis, but Louis pulled himself away and stood up, walking away from everyone. 

“I want to talk to him.”

“What?” Simon asked, looking up at Louis. Louis walked to the window and stared for a few more seconds before looking at Simon.

“Alex. I want to talk to him.”

“And why, may I ask?”

“Because. I’ve went years without knowing what he was thinking when he did what he did. I’m not afraid of him. I’ve proved to myself that I can fight him, even in my most vulnerable state. He’ll be behind bars. I want to talk to him. I’ll make him listen to me.”

“Louis, no.” Harry said, standing up. He walked over to his fiancé and gripped his shoulders. “What the hell is wrong with you? I’m not letting you anywhere near that piece of shit.”

“Harry,” Louis said, pushing his hands away. He shook his head and looked at Simon. “I’m talking to him, and that’s final.”

^^^

Louis walked through the prison, following a guard. He was led through many hallways before being ushered into an interview room. The door unlocked and opened, letting Louis walk through. In the middle of the room, a table was bolted to the floor. Sitting at the table was Alex, orange jumpsuit and all. His legs were shackled and cuffed to the table, as well as his hands. His arms were strapped to the chair as well, preventing him from moving anything other than his head.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the big, bad Louis Tomlinson.” Alex sneered, smirking up at Louis. Louis walked to the table and stood across from him, staring down at him.

“Was I just a game to you, Alex? When you came into my bar, did you decide you were going to pick on the poor bartender? Or, were you just too insecure about yourself and you knew one day I was going to leave you so you decided to torture me and keep me for your own?”

“Shut up.” Alex said, his smirk turning into a glare. Louis smirked a little and placed his hands on the table, leaning toward him.

“I struck a nerve, didn’t I? You were too insecure because your dick is the size of your pinky finger so you hit me. You raped me because it made you feel powerful. You were so insecure and you knew you weren’t doing anything for me. Some big man you are.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Alex shouted, fighting against the restraints. Louis laughed and shook his head.

“Oh, how the tables have turned. How does it feel, Alex? Being tied up and there’s nothing you can do to stop me? I could do whatever I want to you. I could slap you, punch you, and even strangle you.” 

Alex fought harder as Louis continued his mental assault on his previous attacker. Soon, tears began flowing from Alex’s eyes. His wrists began bleeding as he jerked against the handcuffs. He screamed and shouted. Louis just stood there and watched as Alex’s walls finally crashed down until all that was left was raw vulnerability.

“I’m sorry, okay?! Fuck, I’m sorry! You don’t know what it was like! Every night at that fucking bar, I watched guys hit on you! I watched you fucking light up like a fucking Christmas tree whenever you got on that fucking stage, and I knew! I knew you were going to leave, so I had to make you stay! I had to fucking make you stay so I wouldn’t be left alone!”

“I never planned on leaving you, Alex! I loved you! You were the first fucking person I ever had sex with, for God’s sake! And if I remember correctly, you were one of those fucking guys who hit on me at that bar!”

“That was different! Once we started dating, it wasn’t okay for all those drunken bastards to fucking scam on you! You were mine!”

“Yes! Yes, I was yours! I was every bit yours, and you fucking **abused** me! God, Alex! Do you even _know_ what you fucking put me through?! I had to be stitched up fucking left and right, and you didn’t care! You didn’t care one damn bit about me!”

“Yes, I Did! Don’t Fucking Say I Didn’t Care, Because I Did! Every Time I Left A Bruise, Or Drew Blood, It Tore Me Apart Inside!” Alex shouted, his face red with anger. Louis clenched and unclenched his fists. A smack rang out as Louis’ hand connected with Alex’s face.

“You fucking asshole. I hope you rot in hell.” Louis gritted out, swinging the door open. He gave Alex one last look before storming out of the room.

^^^

When Louis got home, he was still fuming with anger. The boys were waiting in the living room. They rushed to him, hitting him with questions. He pushed them out of his way and stormed off toward his studio. He slammed the door shut and locked it. Then, he screamed. He fell to his knees and gripped his hair as he screamed out his anger.

Hours went by and Louis never surfaced from the studio. The boys sat outside the door, listening. They could hear the piano, a guitar, even drums. Harry was frantic, pacing. He tried to get Louis to come out, but Louis wouldn’t even respond to him.

“Wait, listen.” Liam said, lowering his voice to a hushed tone. They all pressed their ears to the door and listened as Louis started playing. Louis kept the recording light the whole time, recording every little lyric that came out of his mouth.

He screamed again, slamming his fists down the keys of his piano. There were tears stained on his cheeks as he ripped up pages and pages of sheet music. He threw a chair across the room, the legs breaking as soon as it hit the wall. He stood in the middle of his destruction and took a breath. Then, he walked to the piano and stared at the keys. 

 

_“On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. Then this thing turned out so evil. I don’t know why I’m still surprised. Even angels have their wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes. But, you’ll always be my hero, even though you’ve lost your mind.”_

_“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that’s alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie. Oh, I love the way you lie.”_

_“Now there’s gravel in our voices. Glass is shattered from the fight. In this tug of war, you’ll always win even when I’m right. ‘Cause you feed me fables from your hand with violent words and empty threats, and it’s sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied.”_

**The boys were stunned as they listened to the words coming from Louis’ mouth. Never have they ever seen him so angry before. The anger was laced with every word he sung. Harry rattled the doorknob, trying to get it to open, but it was no use. His heart pounded with every word, panic settling in his bones.**

_“So maybe I’m a masochist. I try to run, but I don’t wanna ever leave ‘til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories.”_

_“It’s morning, you wake, a sun ray hits your face. Smeared blood as we lay in the wake of destruction. Hush baby, speak softly. Tell me you’re awfully sorry that you pushed me into the coffee table last night so I can push you off me! Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me! Run out of the room and I’ll follow you like a lost puppy. Baby, without you, I’m nothing. I’m so lost, hug me then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me.”_

_“Then after that, shove me in the aftermath of the destructive path that we’re on. Two psychopaths, but we know that no matter how many knives we put in each other’s backs that we’ll have each other’s backs ‘cause we’re that lucky! Together, we move mountains. Let’s not make mountains out of molehills. I hit you twice, yeah, but who’s counting? You may have hit me three times, I’m starting to lose count. But, together we’ll live forever, we found the youth fountain. Our love is crazy, we’re nuts, but I refuse counseling! This house is too huge. If you move out, I’ll burn all two thousand square feet of it to the ground. Ain’t shit you can do about it ‘cause with you, I’m in my fucking mind. Without you, I’m out it!”_

**Louis went into the chorus again, playing louder. He was out of his mind, unaware of what he was playing. He was unaware of the words coming from his mouth or the tears falling onto the keys.**

_“I love the way you lie…”_

 

He couldn’t stop. Sobs fought their way out of his chest, choking him. Flashbacks were zooming through his mind, playing behind his closed eyelids. Memories he thought he’d never recall again came about, swirling with Alex. His father, an evil man he never spoke or thought about, appeared before his eyes. He screamed and shot away from the piano, falling to the floor.

“No, no, no!” Louis shouted, shaking his head furiously. “Leave me alone!”

Harry started crying, throwing himself against the door. He needed to get inside, but the door wasn’t breaking. 

“Guys, help me! Please!” Harry pleaded, looking at the boys. They all started their attempt in breaking the door. Louis lost himself, his mind taking him back to his youngest years. 

 

_**His dad beat harshly on the door as Louis cowered in the corner. Tears were falling from the child’s eyes as he covered his ears, whimpering each time his father pounded on the door.** _

_**“Louis, you faggot! Open this door right fucking now!” His father screamed, kicking the door. A beer bottle dangled from his hand, sloshing around as he kicked and punched the door.** _

_**“Louis, you fucking bastard! When I get in there, you’re in big trouble!”** _

_**Louis’ eyes widened as he heard the wood cracking. He scrambled to his desk and grabbed his backpack. He knew he only had a minute or two before the door would give way. He shoved clothes, as well as his stuffed bear his mother got him, in his backpack and ran to his window. He tried to push it open, but it was bolted shut thanks to his father.** _

_**He heard the door crack once more and a shout sounded from his father. Louis looked around his room, looking for something. He picked his football trophy, the only thing his father ever praised him for and threw it at the window with all the force he could muster. Glass shattered, but not enough for him to escape. His father’s shouts got louder and the cracking became more insistent. He only had seconds.** _

_**He ran to the window and he shoved his bag through, letting it fall two stories to the ground. Using his hands, he broke the glass more. Blood started dripping and shards of glass wedged themselves into the small boy’s hands. Finally, he broke all the glass away and started to climb out of the window.** _

_**“Get back here, you little fuck!” His father shouted, bursting into the room. He ran to the window and caught Louis’ arm just as he was about to drop. Louis placed his feet and a bloody hand on the side of the house and pushed, fighting him off.** _

_**“Let me go, Daddy!” Louis yelled, his tiny voice echoing through the night. His father started pulling him back up through the window. Louis was desperate. He leaned forward and latched onto his father’s hand, biting him. His father screamed and released him.** _

_**Louis screamed, falling to the ground. He tried to catch himself, but his weight was too much and a resonating snap went off as Louis felt his wrist snap. He heard his father’s thunderous footsteps bounding through the house. Ignoring the pain, Louis grabbed his bag and ran, not once looking back.** _

 

“Louis!” Harry shrieked, finally bursting into the room. He ran to Louis, taking him into his arms, holding him to his chest. Blood seeped from his wrists from where Louis had unknowingly smashed their glass coffee table and injured himself.

“Call an ambulance!” Harry shouted, grabbing Louis’ wrists. He squeezed them tight as he applied pressure. Louis’ eyes were unfocused as he tried to fight Harry off, trying to pull his arms free.

“No, baby. Louis, it’s me. Come on, come back to me. Find your way back to me. Leave that dark place. Come on, baby.” Harry pleaded, pulling Louis closer. He crashed his lips into Louis’ and kissed him feverishly. Louis ceased his movements and went limp in Harry’s arms. Harry slowly pulled away and looked at Louis, watching as his eyes came back into focus.

“Harry…” Louis whispered, his voice raw from screaming.

“An ambulance is on its way. You went away for a little bit, Lou. But, you’re back now. Right? You’re not going anywhere.” Harry commanded, kissing Louis on the forehead.

“I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. I never should have gone to talk to him.”

“No, Lou. We’ll talk about it later. Right now, we need to get you to the hospital.” Harry said, helping Louis to his feet. Sirens could be heard in the distance, getting louder as they neared the Tomlinson-Styles residence.

“Harry, you go ahead with him. We’ll be right behind you.” Liam promised, pulling his phone out. He called Simon and told him what had happened, the sirens fading as the ambulance sped away to get Louis to the hospital.

^^^

A couple of hours went by before Louis exited the hospital room. He had his wrapped in thick white bandages. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was moving sluggishly. 

“Hey, Lou.” Liam greeted, his voice soft and gentle. Louis smiled tiredly and ran a hand through his hair.

“I managed to hit an artery in both wrists. They did a scan of my brain, too.”

“What did they find?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. They asked me to explain what had happened, and I told them I don’t remember cutting my wrists.”

“What do you remember?”

“I remember Alex and I yelling at each other. I remember driving home, and I remember locking myself in the studio. After that, everything is foggy.”

“Lou, you were in there for hours. We couldn’t get you to respond to us. All of us tried.”

“I went to a very dark place in my mind, Liam. A place I never thought I would go again. I know you’re going to ask questions, but I’m not going to answer them. I don’t want to talk about that place.”

“But, Lou. You need to tell us. We’ll help you the next time you go back to that place.”

“Alright,” Louis sighed. “But, not right now. I’m tired and I just want to go home and rest.”

The boys agreed and they all piled into Liam’s car. Louis wrapped himself around Harry and stared out of the window, watching the buildings zip by.

“Louis, can I ask one question?” Liam asked, keeping his eyes on the road. Louis sighed and looked at him.

“Fine. One question.”

“Was it your father?” Liam asked, pulling up to a red light. He looked at Louis through the rearview mirror. Louis stared at Liam until the light turned green and Liam had to break the gaze.

“Yes.”


	10. "I'd fight away all of your fears..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs featured:
> 
> 1\. _Because of You_ by Kelly Clarkson
> 
> 2\. _For the Love of a Daughter_ by Demi Lovato [I CHANGED THE LYRICS TO FIT LOUIS' STORY]
> 
> 3\. _Warrior_ by Demi Lovato
> 
> 4\. _Demons_ by Sam Tsui and Max Schneider [I BOLDED AND ITALICIZED LOUIS' PARTS]
> 
> 5\. _Carry On_ by fun.
> 
> 6\. _Through the Dark_ by One Direction
> 
> 7\. _Thinking Out Loud_ by Ed Sheeran

“I think we should write a song for Louis.”

“Of course you do.”

“No, Zayn. Just listen. It’s not like that. I have never seen him like that, okay? He’s never mentioned his father to me, and to see him like that because of that man, it scared me. I want to write a song, and I want it to be called ‘Through the Dark.’” Harry explained, biting his lip. Louis' doctor instructed him to rest and the anti-depressants he was prescribed made him sleep so he was safe and sound in his and Harry’s bedroom. 

The boys gathered in the studio to clean up and to write for the new album. The glass table was disposed of and the door was fixed. Harry erased the entire recording Louis had done to keep him from having memories. Harry didn’t want it saved anyway. 

“Okay,” Liam said, grabbing a blank page of sheet music. He looked at Harry who was busy messing with one of their guitars. “What kind of song did you have in mind?”

“Well, I want it to kind of sound like this.” Harry said. He sat down on a stool and started playing. Niall caught onto the rhythm quick and picked a guitar up, joining in. Not long after, they had the music recorded and finished. All that was needed were the lyrics. 

They finished the song in no time, and Louis was still sound asleep with Harry checking on him often. After the song was finished, the four friends spent the rest of their day playing rounds of FIFA and drinking beer. 

 

Louis woke up hours later in complete darkness. He sat up in bed and felt a little disoriented as the drugs started wearing off. He reached over and turned the bedside lamp on and looked around. Harry was nowhere to be seen.

“Haz?” Louis wondered, slowly getting out of bed. He stumbled, falling into the bedside table. Harry heard the commotion and he was in the doorway seconds later.

“Baby, what are you doing up?” Harry asked, walking further into the room. He held Louis’ hands and kissed them.

“I guess the medicine wore off. I don’t know. I feel very confused.” Louis said, sitting back down on the bed. He looked around again, his bedroom looking different than before. Harry sat next to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

“Confusion is one of the side effects of your anti-depressants. What do you remember?”

“I remember talking to Alex.”

“Louis, I know you don’t want to talk about it. But, I’d like to know what he said to you. He messed you up, babe. I need to know how to protect you from him.” Harry said, squeezing his shoulder gently. Louis ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He looked down and picked at the bandage on his wrist.

“He started crying. Like, really crying. It was different. He was strapped to that chair, and I was standing tall in front of him. I think it drove him crazy. I taunted him, talking about how insecure he was so that was why he abused me like he did. He just lost it. He screamed and tears just started pouring from his eyes. He kept apologizing, and when he told me why he started acting the way he did, it made sense. Like, I should have figured it out years ago.”

“What was his reason?”

“He knew I’d be famous one day. He knew that I’d have all that I have now. He sat in that bar and watched people fawn over me and hit on me. It drove him crazy. He asked me to quit bartending, but he would never tell me why. Harry, I was so unfair to him.”

“Louis, you can’t be serious. That man abused you.”

“Yes, because of something I did. I defied him. I kept bartending, and I never turned those men away that hit on me. I just smiled and kept doing what I was doing, and he sat there and watched it all. Put yourself in his shoes for one minute. We’re dating, and I’m bartending. You’re at the end of the bar and you’re watching guys flirt with me and me flirt with them back.”

“Yeah, I’d be jealous. But, I wouldn’t ask you to quit your job or beat you. I still don’t see where he’s coming from. He can’t justify what he did, Lou. Abuse can’t be justified.”

“Harry, you don’t understand. You don’t understand, because you were one of those guys.”

“What?” Harry asked, scooting back from Louis. Louis stood up and walked away from him. “How could you even say that?”

“Harry, I love you. You know I do. You’re it for me, but you were one of those guys who came into my bar and flirted with me. Alex watched you.”

“You can’t be serious right now, Louis. You’re justifying why he fucking beat you! He almost killed you!”

“I know what he did! I know exactly what he did! I’m not justifying anything that he did, okay? I know he was wrong, and he needs to pay for what he did. All I’m saying is that I _understand_ why he did it.” Louis said, looking at Harry. Harry looked away from him and huffed a few times before standing up. He fisted his curls and sighed.

“Okay. I guess it’s not that hard to see his reasoning behind his attacks. Is that why you trashed our studio? Were you feeling guilty or something?”

“No, I wasn’t feeling guilty. I was angry, Harry. Furious even.”

“But, why?”

“Because no matter how many times he hit me or how much pain he inflicted, I was still in love with him. That makes me just as sick as he was.”

“No, Lou, it doesn’t. He was your first relationship. He was the only thing you knew. He messed you up, and to be honest, I know he’s not the only man in your life who has inflicted pain on you.”

“Harry, I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Louis, if we’re going to be married, you need to open up to me. You need to tell me everything. I’ve realized that I know next to nothing about your childhood. Why is that?”

“Because I hated it! I hated who I was as a child! I hated going through what I went through. My father was an evil man and he should be rotting in hell right now!”

“Is that why you stayed with Alex? Because he reminded him of your father?”

“God, you are such an inconsiderate asshole! You have no idea!”

“I’m trying to fucking find out, Louis! Dammit! I’m trying here, can’t you fucking see that?! I love you so God damn much, but I can’t love you properly if you don’t let me in!”

“I don’t want to let you in!” Louis shouted, hitting Harry in the chest. Harry grunted and closed his eyes as Louis began to cry and punch Harry in the chest more. Soon after, Louis’ adrenaline faded and all that was left was a sad, crying boy. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and held him as he cried.

“I’m so s-sorry, Harry. I l-love you so much. Please forgive me.” Louis sobbed, burying his face in Harry’s throbbing chest. Harry shook his head and only held Louis tighter, letting him cry.

“Don’t apologize, Louis. You need a little help, that’s all. You don’t need to talk about your father. If it upsets you this bad, I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know, okay? I love you so much, baby boy. So, so much.”

 

Weeks passed by, their third album was released, and they were preparing for another tour. They never spoke of Louis’ freak out, and Louis got better. He thrust himself into recording, wedding planning, and everything he could so he wouldn’t have to think about that retched flashback. 

Louis asked, begged, and pleaded until Simon granted him a solo concert. The boys would be there, but it would be his songs. He gave a brief explanation of his childhood and his encounter with Alex to Simon and at the end, Simon even agreed Louis needed this. All the tickets were purchased, except for two. 

Two seats in the very front row were reserved, per Louis’ demand. Through many obstacles, Louis managed to track down his father and gave a false pretense as to why he wanted his father there. He called the prison and with great reluctance, the prison agreed to Louis’ request and the last two seats were reserved for Troy Austin and Alex Pettyfer.

The day of the concert, Louis was backstage with his boys. He was goofing around, but on the inside, he was screaming. Paul notified that Troy and Alex were seated and that Alex was restrained. Louis thanked Paul and left to get ready.

 

“Hello, London!” Louis greeted, waving to the mass crowd. He walked to the piano at center stage and looked around the arena. He felt Troy and Alex’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare look at them. Not yet. 

“I know that some of you are expecting the other boys to be singing with me, but it’s just me today. I hope that’s alright.” Louis said and got a few thousand screams in return. Louis smiled and felt his heart swell with the love and devotion from his fans. 

“I want to tell you a story. It’s not a good story, but it’s a story that I hold close to my heart. It’s about a little boy. We’ll call him William. William’s parents got divorced when he was about five years old, and William’s father got custody of him. William’s mother had to set up supervised visits, which made William and his mother very sad. But, that was what the courts ordered.

“Years went by and William loved his father deeply. William’s father was his hero. He taught William how to play football and even coached a team on the weekends. William was eight when he won his first football trophy, and William’s father was so proud because it was because of him that William won that trophy. On William’s ninth birthday, something changed. William didn’t want to play football anymore. He wanted to play dress up and have tea parties with his imaginary friends. 

“William’s father didn’t like that. He knew what his little boy was going to grow up to be, and he decided that he needed to change that. He decided he needed to remind William what boys are supposed to be like. So, William’s father started hitting him. His excuse was that he was trying to toughen him up. William didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know his mother’s number to call her. A year passed and…” Louis told, letting a few tears fall. He took a deep breath and looked out at the crowd.

“A year passed and I was finally able to escape. I ran to my mother’s and she alerted the police. She was awarded full custody and my father got a few years in jail. I’ve never told that story to anyone, because it messed me up a lot. I was ashamed of my past and I didn’t want anyone to know about it. But, I’m done running from my past. I’m going to embrace it because it made me who I am today, and I’d like to think I’m a pretty good person.” Louis said, sitting down at the piano. He placed his microphone in it’s stand and played a few keys. He cleared his throat and finally looked at his father. Troy was absolutely seething, his eyes locked on Louis. Louis couldn’t help but smirk. 

“These first couple of songs are dedicated to my father.” Louis said and started to play.

_“I will not make the same mistakes that you did. I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard. I’ve learned the hard way to never let it get that far.”_

_“Because of you, I never strayed too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid.”_

_“I lose my way and it’s not too long before you point it out. I cannot cry because I know that’s weakness in your eyes. I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life. My heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t even whole to start with.”_

_“Because of you, I never strayed too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid.”_

_“I watched you die. I heard you cry every night in your sleep. I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain. And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing!”_

_“Because of you, I never strayed too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt. Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything. Because of you, I don’t know how to let anyone else in. Because of you, I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty. Because of you, I am afraid. Because of you. Because of you.”_

 

Louis looked at Troy again and stared at him as he dove into the next song.

 

_“Four years old with my back to the door. All I could hear was the family war. Your selfish hands always expecting more. Am I your child or just a charity award? You have a hollowed out heart, but it’s heavy in your chest. I try so hard to fight it, but it’s hopeless. Hopeless, you’re hopeless.”_

_“Oh father, please father. I’d love to leave you alone, but I can’t let you go. Oh father, please father. Put the bottle down for the love of a child.”_

_“It’s been eleven years since we’ve spoken last, and you can’t take back what we never had. Oh, I can be manipulated only so many times before even ‘I love you’ starts to sound like a lie.”_

_“You have a hollowed out heart, but it’s heavy in your chest. I try so hard to fight it, but it’s hopeless. Hopeless, you’re hopeless. Oh father, please father. I’d love to leave you alone, but I can’t let you go. Oh father, please father. Put the bottle down for the love of a child.”_

_“Don’t you remember I’m your baby boy? How could you push me out of your world? Lie to your flesh and your blood? Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved? Don’t you remember I’m your baby boy? How could throw me right out of your world? So young when the pain had begun, now forever afraid of being loved.”_

_“Oh father, please father. I’d love to leave you alone, but I can’t let you go. Oh father, please father. Oh father, please father. Put the bottle down for the love of a child. For the love of a child.”_

 

Louis closed his eyes and fought the tears, immediately changing into the next song. His heart hammered in his chest and his hands shook. The boys were holding Harry back to keep him from rushing to him. Louis needed this. 

 

_“This is a story that I have never told. I gotta get this off my chest to let it go. I need to take back the light inside you stole, you’re a criminal and you steal like you’re a pro.”_

_“All the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound. So ashamed, so confused. I was broken and bruised. Now I’m a warrior. Now I’ve got thicker skin. I’m a warrior. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and my armor is made of steel, you can’t get in. I’m a warrior, and you can never hurt me again.”_

_“Out of the ashes, I’m burning like a fire. You can save your apologies, you’re nothing but a liar. I’ve got shame, I’ve got scars that I will never show. I’m a survivor in more ways than you know ‘cause all the pain and the truth, I wear like a battle wound.”_

_“So ashamed, so confused. I’m not broken or bruised. ‘Cause now I’m a warrior. I’ve got thicker skin. I’m a warrior. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and my armor is made of steel, you can’t get in. I’m a warrior, and you can never hurt me.”_

_“There’s a part of me I can’t get back. A little boy grew up too fast. All it took was once, I’ll never be the same. Now I’m taking back my life today. Nothing left that you can say. ‘Cause you were never gonna take the blame anyway.”_

_“Now I’m a warrior. I’ve got thicker skin. I’m a warrior. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and my armor is made of steel, you can’t get in. I’m a warrior, and you can never hurt me again. Oh, you can never hurt me again.”_

 

Harry pushed the boys away from him and confidently walked across the stage to Louis. He sat next to him and smiled very softly. Louis looked over at him and felt very grateful for the angel beside him. 

“Sing this song with me?” Louis asked softly, kissing his cheek. Harry nodded and motioned for him to play.

 

_**“When the days are cold and the cards all fold and the saints we see are all made of gold..”** _

_“When your dreams all fail and the ones we hail are the worst of all and the blood’s run stale…”_

_**“I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you. But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide.”** _

_“No matter what we breed…”_

_“We still are made of greed…”_

_“This is my kingdom come. This is my kingdom come.”_

_“When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide. Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.”_

_“When the curtain’s call is the last of all. When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl…”_

_**“So they dug your grave and the masquerade will come calling out at the mess you made.”** _

_“Don’t wanna let you down…”_

_“But I am hell bound…”_

_“Though this is all for you. Don’t wanna hide the truth.”_

_**“No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed. This is my kingdom come. This is my kingdom come.”** _

_“When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide. Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.”_

_**“They say it’s what you make, I say it’s up to fate. It’s woven in my soul. I need to let you go.”** _

_“Your eyes, they shine so bright. I wanna save that light…”_

_“I can’t escape this now unless you show me how!”_

_“ **When you feel my heat** (when you feel my heat!) **look into my eyes** (look into my eyes!). It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide. Don’t get too close ( **don’t get too close** ), it’s dark inside ( **it’s dark inside** ). It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.”_

 

Harry seized Louis by the waist and kissed him deeply, possibly deeper than he ever had. Louis gently took Harry’s cheeks in his pixie hands and returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. The arena erupted into applause, their hearts and souls moved with their performance. 

“I love you,” Harry whispered against his lips, rubbing the patch of skin that was revealed by Harry’s grasp. Louis breathed heavily into Harry’s mouth and pressed their foreheads together.

“I’ve loved you from the start, Harry. Always know that.” Louis whispered, kissing him again. The people around them faded and for a moment, it was just Louis and Harry. 

“I know this show is all about you, but can I sing a song to you? I need to say this, and I want the world to hear it.” Harry said, gripping Louis’ hands tight in his. Louis nodded and Harry stood, pulling Louis to his feet. He placed Louis on a stool and ran off stage. A few seconds passed and Harry walked out, carrying a guitar and a microphone stand. He got set up and turned toward Louis as he began to play.

 

_“Well, I woke up to the sound of silence and cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight, and I found you with a bottle of wine, your head in the curtains and heart like the Fourth of July.”_

_“You swore and said ‘we are not, we are not shining stars.’ This I know, I never said we are. Though I’ve never been through hell like that, I’ve closed enough windows to know you can never look back.”_

_“If you’re lost and alone or you’re sinking like a stone, carry on. May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on. Carry on, carry on.”_

**Liam, Niall, and Zayn joined Harry on stage and started playing, keeping their attention locked on Louis. Louis’ eyes were filled with tears as he watched his four angels sing for him.**

_“So I met up with some friends at the edge of the night at a bar off 75. And we talked and talked about how our parents will die, all our neighbors and wives.”_

**Louis stood and walked to his friends. He reached for his microphone, catching on to the beat. He winked at Harry then turned to Troy and Alex and dropped to his knees and sang to them.**

_**“But I like to think I can cheat it all to make up for the times I’ve been cheated on. And it’s nice to know when I was left for dead, I was found and now I don’t roam these streets. I am not the ghost you are to me.”** _

_“If you’re lost and alone or you’re sinking like a stone, carry on. May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on. Oh, my head is on fire, but my legs are fine. After all, they are mine. Lay your clothes down on the floor, close the door, hold the phone. Show me how no one’s ever gonna stop us tonight.”_

**The boys linked hands and raised them high as the crowd screamed and cheered for them.**

_“‘Cause here we are. We are shining stars. We are invincible. We are who we are. On our darkest day, when we’re miles away, sun will come. We will find our way home.”_

**The crowd sang the final chorus and the boys all embraced Louis in a fierce group hug. Louis couldn’t help but feel so incredibly grateful for these four boys. He reached out and grasped Harry’s shirt, pulling him into a heated kiss. The crowd got even louder; reaching decibels that could burst someone’s eardrum.**

 

“Lou, you have no idea how proud we are of you.” Liam said, gripping the back of his neck and putting their heads together. Louis pecked his lips lightly and nodded, giving a small smile. 

“Li, I’m so sorry I never opened up to you about everything as soon as it was happening.”

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m just glad I’m here to protect you now.”

Louis smiled at his best friend and looked to Harry, his smile growing. Harry beamed at him and grabbed his left hand, kissing it. He then led Louis back to the stool and sat him down before handing Niall a guitar. He raised his microphone and turned to the crowd. 

“A couple of weeks ago,” Harry began. He looked at Louis and smiled softly before continuing. “Louis had a meltdown. He locked himself in our studio and completely trashed it. I was scared. I mean, he’s my fiancé and I’ve never seen him like that before. It scared me like you wouldn’t believe. There was nothing I could do to help him. He wouldn’t let me in. He wouldn’t let anyone in. I didn’t know if he was hurt or if he was even okay. No… I knew he wasn’t okay. Of course he wasn’t. He was in the dark for a very long time that day, and it was then that I vowed to do whatever it took to help him through it.”

Niall started playing the guitar as he, Harry, Liam, and Zayn stood on both sides of Louis. The band quickly joined into Niall’s melody as Liam began to sing.

_“You tell me that you’re sad and lost your way. You tell me that your tears are here to stay, but I know you were only hiding and I just wanna see you. You tell me that you’re hurt and you’re in pain, and I can see your head is held in shame, but I just wanna see you smile again. See you smile again.”_

_“But, don’t burn out. Even if you scream and shout, it will come back to you and I’ll be here for you.”_

_“Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love, and I would hold you closer. Hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down on you, we will find a way…”_

_“Through the dark…”_

_“I wish that I could take you to the star. I’d never let you fall and break your heart and if you wanna cry and fall apart, I’ll be there to hold you.”_

_“You tell me that you heard it’s all in vain, but I can see your heart can love again. I remember you laughing, so let’s just laugh again.”_

_“But, don’t burn out. Even if you scream and shout, it will come back to you… Back to you…”_

**Louis stared at his friends, his very best friends, as silent tears of gratitude fell down his cheeks. His heart was racing, his hands were shaking and he couldn’t do anything but smile. He locked eyes with Harry and his heart simply swelled with love. Zayn placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Louis looked up at him and mouthed three little words.**

_“Through the dark… You don’t need, you don’t need to worry and you will see it’s easy to be loved. I know you wanna be loved…”_

_“Oh, I will carry you over fire and water for your love…”_

**The crowd caught onto the chorus and began singing with them. Louis let out a tiny sob and covered his face as his body and soul was being filled with nothing but love.**

 

Once the song ended and the crowd erupted into cries and cheers, the boys enveloped Louis into a hug. Louis laughed softly, wiping the tears away. As they all pulled back, Louis caught Harry’s hand and pulled him close. Louis rested a hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes.

“Dance with me?” Louis asked, smiling softly. Harry beamed and kissed Louis’ hand. He pulled away, taking a step back before bowing and brandishing an open hand. Louis reached over and grabbed a headset microphone and put it on before accepting Harry’s hand. 

Harry pulled Louis flush to his chest and dipped him low as music started to play. Louis rose back up and placed a hand in Harry’s, resting the other on his shoulder as they began to waltz across the stage. 

 

_“When your legs don’t work like they used to before, and I can’t sweep you off of your feet, will your mouth still remember the taste of my love? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?”_

_“Darling, I will be loving you until we’re seventy. Baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three. I’m thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand. Well, me, I fall in love with you every single day and I just wanna tell you I am.”_

_“So, honey now, take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your hand on my beating heart. I’m thinking out loud. Maybe we found love right where we are.”_

_“When my hair’s all but gone and my memory fades, and the crowds don’t remember my name, when hands don’t play the keys the same way, I know you will still love me the same. ‘Cause, honey, your soul could never grow old. It’s evergreen. Baby, your smile’s forever in my mind and memory.”_

_“I’m thinking about how people fall in love in mysterious ways, and maybe it’s all part of a plan. Well, I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes hoping that you’ll understand…”_

**Harry’s eyes filled with tears and his vision went blurry so Louis took the lead and twirled him around and around as he kept singing. When it came to their relationship, Harry mainly did everything a man would usually do for a woman, but there were times when Louis completely baffled him and Harry let go, letting his lover take over. This was one of those times.**

_“Baby, now, take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Oh, darling. Place your hand on my beating heart. I’m thinking out loud that maybe we found love right where we are. Baby, we found love right where we are. We found love right where we are…”_


End file.
